Periodically, I write these "I Am" statement poems. I wrote my first one in 9th grade, and I loved it so much that I periodically re-evaluate myself and where I'm at and write a new one. Today I read this blog and I thought it was so incredibly moving and beautiful, it just inspired me to re-evaluate again. The format on this one is slightly different than all the ones in the past (although it's possible that that's only noticeable to me), and it's not exactly a replacement for the most recent one, but it's along the same lines. Anyway, it's short and sweet and I thought I'd post it here, because, really, what else would I do with it?
I am reader of bedtime stories, Bible school chauffeur, feeder of pets, vanquisher of bees. I am gardener, maid, tender of wounds, gourmet peanut butter and jelly chef. I am teacher of reading & writing & arithmetic, speaker of Grandma's passed down wisdom. I am dealer of bottom spankings and "don't bite your brother"s and "go out and get some fresh air"s. I am not trying to climate control the out-doors, so please close the door behind you. I am clipper of coupons, hunter of bargains, expert in dinner for under $3. I am enforcer of "eat what's in front of you or go hungry" and "no, you can't watch more t.v." I am a home for my unborn, nourishment for my just born, and provider of love for them always. I have my hands full of the most wonderful things and my heart overflowing with God's highest calling. I answer to "mom" no matter who says it and I am thankful for the blessing of that name.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
In which I crave community
So, I have been doing this "homeward" thing for about 7 months now. And believe me, it has taken me every bit of that time to get even remotely on track here. Despite what anyone may think, being a housewife and a stay at home mom is really difficult. It's difficult to devote all your energy to your house and family, when what you really want is to drive somewhere for 5 minutes without listening to your kids argue in the back seat. It's difficult to stay on task when there are so many things, both good and bad, pulling you in so many different directions. And lately, I've found that it is especially difficult to do all this on your own.
No, I'm not saying my husband doesn't help me. He helps immensely just by providing for us. Not only that, but he's wonderful with the kids, even when he's tired after working all day. I landed a good one, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I'm not even saying my kids don't help. They try to keep their rooms clean, and try to help me pick up when I ask them too. Even Maggie is able to throw trash in the trash can, or take her toys to her room.
What I'm lamenting here is the lack of community. In my scripture, Titus 2:3-5, it talks about being homeward in orientation, and that's what I've been working toward. But it also talks about women helping one another to stay on task, encouraging and setting examples for one another. This is something our society sorely lacks. And the worst part about it, is that I think it causes us to get even further off task. We all crave community. We are designed by God to be in community with one another. And this break-down of real, physical community has caused us to search for it elsewhere. The closest thing I have found to community with other women, is with people who live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from me. I love those women and what we have going on our online message board is not a bad thing by any means. But it's not really real, if you know what I mean.
At the beginning of June, Logan and I went to pick strawberries. (Which inspired me to write a short story also. But more on that in a later blog.) It was such an awesome Titus 2 experience. My grandmother kept Maggie while Logan and I picked strawberries for us and for my grandmother. When we were done, we all went shopping together to get everything we'd need to make our jam, and she taught me how to do it. It was just a little taste of that biblical unity, and it was so refreshing. We worked together to get a job done. The older woman caring for the baby while the younger woman and older child did the "labor" part of the work. She then trained me in how to accomplish something that I'd never done, but that she's been doing for decades. It worked beautifully and I think we both felt a little God breeze from the way we worked together that day; at least, I know I did.
That is in stark contrast to the way I've been feeling this week. Peas are the current crop of the week. I still haven't perfected that magical touch that tells you exactly when to pick peas, so many of mine are huge and bitter from hanging on the vine too long. That magical touch could probably be taught, but I don't have someone to teach it to me. It's been 3 years of trial and error. (The first year, we picked too early. Last year, we waited so long that most of the peas rotted on the vine. This year, we picked a little too late. Le sigh...) So all the peas finally got picked yesterday. The majority of my day today was spent shelling them, so that they can be canned this weekend. Just in case you don't know, shelling peas is a very dull job with a very small pay-out. It cramps your hands and your bowl of empty shells gets full WAY faster than your bowl of little, green peas does. So, as I was sitting, by myself, shelling peas, it occurred to me that this is not a job God intended for us to do alone. I daydreamed away while I shelled peas, imagining myself sitting on a front porch with several women. Our children would be running around in the yard, stopping by every once in a while to steal a few fresh, sweet peas to munch on, and we would be gabbing and laughing while we shelled together. The job would be the same, and it would take the same amount of time, but how much more fun it would be!
God designed us women to live and work along side other women. (And, as a side note, I'm sure that men are the same. My husband has a wonderful connection with the guys he works with, both at his job and at church. So much so that I'm jealous, and wondering why we women don't or won't make it happen.) At any rate, that's why we even travel to the bathroom together at restaurants! We crave that time of sitting on the porch shelling peas or snapping green beans together, and we don't know how to get it back. Most of us never even had it to begin with! I've had a few tastes of it, like that day with my grandmother, and a few special times spent with a local friend hanging out and cooking a meal together while our children play and torment one another. Those tastes only make me long for more of it on a more regular basis!
And so it is that Facebook and message boards steal much of my time, even now when I am trying so hard to focus on being homeward. I'm not trying to make excuses for wasting time on the internet, but it would make it a lot easier to forget about (or at least spend significantly less time on) those "false" communities if I had a real one to rely on. I've also spent time going to local mom groups and play dates. These, too, feel forced and false. I leave wondering why I went in the first place when there was so much work to be done at home. I think true fellowship happens when you live and work alongside someone. You can't force it by just meeting together with some silly agenda. You can't satisfy your needs by "meeting" online with people you've never physically met. (Not to say that those bonds aren't strong! I love many of my online friends like I love my family, and I'm so happy to have had the chance to get to know them. But they still can't replace a physical hug, or a buddy to chat with while shelling peas.) There are many ways that women in our society try to fill this void. And I'm sure that any of those women would admit in their heart of hearts that nothing really fills it to their satisfaction.
I can't say that there's any easy solution for this. Our society has crumbled community to the point that no one even knows how to really do it anymore. But I, for one, am praying for a way to one day get it together with the women in my church, the women around me. And I suppose, if nothing else, it won't be too terribly long before my daughters (yes, that's plural now!!) are big enough to shell those ridiculous peas with me, and I'll be the older woman training them in how to be homeward. Lord, help us! :)
No, I'm not saying my husband doesn't help me. He helps immensely just by providing for us. Not only that, but he's wonderful with the kids, even when he's tired after working all day. I landed a good one, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I'm not even saying my kids don't help. They try to keep their rooms clean, and try to help me pick up when I ask them too. Even Maggie is able to throw trash in the trash can, or take her toys to her room.
What I'm lamenting here is the lack of community. In my scripture, Titus 2:3-5, it talks about being homeward in orientation, and that's what I've been working toward. But it also talks about women helping one another to stay on task, encouraging and setting examples for one another. This is something our society sorely lacks. And the worst part about it, is that I think it causes us to get even further off task. We all crave community. We are designed by God to be in community with one another. And this break-down of real, physical community has caused us to search for it elsewhere. The closest thing I have found to community with other women, is with people who live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from me. I love those women and what we have going on our online message board is not a bad thing by any means. But it's not really real, if you know what I mean.
At the beginning of June, Logan and I went to pick strawberries. (Which inspired me to write a short story also. But more on that in a later blog.) It was such an awesome Titus 2 experience. My grandmother kept Maggie while Logan and I picked strawberries for us and for my grandmother. When we were done, we all went shopping together to get everything we'd need to make our jam, and she taught me how to do it. It was just a little taste of that biblical unity, and it was so refreshing. We worked together to get a job done. The older woman caring for the baby while the younger woman and older child did the "labor" part of the work. She then trained me in how to accomplish something that I'd never done, but that she's been doing for decades. It worked beautifully and I think we both felt a little God breeze from the way we worked together that day; at least, I know I did.
That is in stark contrast to the way I've been feeling this week. Peas are the current crop of the week. I still haven't perfected that magical touch that tells you exactly when to pick peas, so many of mine are huge and bitter from hanging on the vine too long. That magical touch could probably be taught, but I don't have someone to teach it to me. It's been 3 years of trial and error. (The first year, we picked too early. Last year, we waited so long that most of the peas rotted on the vine. This year, we picked a little too late. Le sigh...) So all the peas finally got picked yesterday. The majority of my day today was spent shelling them, so that they can be canned this weekend. Just in case you don't know, shelling peas is a very dull job with a very small pay-out. It cramps your hands and your bowl of empty shells gets full WAY faster than your bowl of little, green peas does. So, as I was sitting, by myself, shelling peas, it occurred to me that this is not a job God intended for us to do alone. I daydreamed away while I shelled peas, imagining myself sitting on a front porch with several women. Our children would be running around in the yard, stopping by every once in a while to steal a few fresh, sweet peas to munch on, and we would be gabbing and laughing while we shelled together. The job would be the same, and it would take the same amount of time, but how much more fun it would be!
God designed us women to live and work along side other women. (And, as a side note, I'm sure that men are the same. My husband has a wonderful connection with the guys he works with, both at his job and at church. So much so that I'm jealous, and wondering why we women don't or won't make it happen.) At any rate, that's why we even travel to the bathroom together at restaurants! We crave that time of sitting on the porch shelling peas or snapping green beans together, and we don't know how to get it back. Most of us never even had it to begin with! I've had a few tastes of it, like that day with my grandmother, and a few special times spent with a local friend hanging out and cooking a meal together while our children play and torment one another. Those tastes only make me long for more of it on a more regular basis!
And so it is that Facebook and message boards steal much of my time, even now when I am trying so hard to focus on being homeward. I'm not trying to make excuses for wasting time on the internet, but it would make it a lot easier to forget about (or at least spend significantly less time on) those "false" communities if I had a real one to rely on. I've also spent time going to local mom groups and play dates. These, too, feel forced and false. I leave wondering why I went in the first place when there was so much work to be done at home. I think true fellowship happens when you live and work alongside someone. You can't force it by just meeting together with some silly agenda. You can't satisfy your needs by "meeting" online with people you've never physically met. (Not to say that those bonds aren't strong! I love many of my online friends like I love my family, and I'm so happy to have had the chance to get to know them. But they still can't replace a physical hug, or a buddy to chat with while shelling peas.) There are many ways that women in our society try to fill this void. And I'm sure that any of those women would admit in their heart of hearts that nothing really fills it to their satisfaction.
I can't say that there's any easy solution for this. Our society has crumbled community to the point that no one even knows how to really do it anymore. But I, for one, am praying for a way to one day get it together with the women in my church, the women around me. And I suppose, if nothing else, it won't be too terribly long before my daughters (yes, that's plural now!!) are big enough to shell those ridiculous peas with me, and I'll be the older woman training them in how to be homeward. Lord, help us! :)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
In which nothing says lovin' like a bun in the oven
So, yeah... I'm not a great blogger. I always have the best of intentions, and write amazing, genius, Pulitzer-worthy blogs in my head, but somehow they never get posted so I am still awaiting my Pulitzer. But anyway, here I am, giving it another shot. You may not hear from me for another 6 months after this, but I'll try to do better from here on out. And I just wanted to add that, since it's been so long, forgive me if I ramble. My mind is going a million miles a minute, but it's filled with good stuff and I want to spread the love (or at least make a record of it so that I can re-read this when my mind's filled with not-so-good stuff).
The fact that my blog has been completely inactive, though, certainly doesn't mean that I have been. I'm skipping the My One Word journal that was given this month (and continuing to skip the ones that I've already skipped) so that I can get some other stuff out. I am still working on my homeward-ness, and do plan on catching up on those at some point. But today is not that point.
I guess the biggest news since my last post is that my sweet man and I are expecting another baby. Currently nicknamed Blueberry, the baby is due on November 5. No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I'm not sure if we plan on finding out, but I'll say that we probably will because Eric wants to know and I'm sure as heck not letting him know if I don't. I'm not that bothered about the whole surprise thing. You either get surprised when you still have time to buy blue or pink clothing or you get surprised when you've already had to stock up on green and yellow stuff. We'll likely opt for the earlier, prep-time surprise. At first, Blueberry had me quite sick. Thankfully, that only lasted for a few weeks. Now my appetite is back in full force and I'm starting to get a bit of a bump (more than the fat roll I had a few weeks ago). I need to get a picture, but I need a competent camera operator to do that. Logan doesn't count.
The second bit of big news is that Logan has finished 1st grade! I am so incredibly proud of him. We actually finished up early this year because we were both starting to get twitterpated; him with the beautiful weather outside, and me with the beautiful dirt in the garden. So we went over the standards for 1st grade, found out we'd already surpassed them, and called this boring, boring curriculum quits. He took his test and got a 92%, so the government is satisfied. He got a National Award in PE (yes, I bore my musician husband a jock!). And I have seen him learn and grow so much this year that I am tickled pink! He is a really amazing little boy, and I am super proud of him. Next year we are planning to homeschool again, although we'll start in early August this time so we can take the amount of time off that we need to in November when Blueberry arrives. I'm super excited to get away from CLE, which was educationally very good, but also very boring, and get back to My Father's World, which we did in Kindergarten and both really loved. We're also supplementing that with Professor B math, which I'm also massively excited about. Logan is not a lover of math (wonder where he got that from....), and from the research I've done, this is a GREAT curriculum for kids like him. And I'm sure we'll be supplementing with plenty of visits to the library and any other cool field trips we can afford and with some cool lapbooks again too (we did several this year and had a lot of fun with them.) Homeschooling rocks and I am so proud and happy that we can call ourselves a homeschool family!
Well. Now that I have the big announcements out of the way, I guess I can actually get to the point here. This does have something to do with that special little word I've chosen, so if you were hoping for an update on that, you can count this, because it's as close as you're going to get right now.
I'm sure that anyone who reads this knows that I have been attempting to FLY for almost two years now. Those attempts have been largely comprised of tiny flutters followed by severe crashing and burning. I am out to change that once and for all. So I started with my bed. I know, I know... FlyLady says start with the kitchen sink. But hear me out!
The kitchen sink thing just didn't work for me. I shined my kitchen sink fifty-eleven times. Usually at least once a month, I would "get back on the wagon" and shine my sink. After doing all the massive pile-up of dishes, and shining said sink, I was so exhausted that I couldn't possibly do another thing. Shining the sink is the first step right? Yeah, only if you keep it that way every day. Not if you clean the dishes, shine the sink, then let the dishes (and disgusting bits that go along with them) pile up in the shiny sink until it is dull and gross again. That's what we call a vicious cycle. But I know in the depths of my soul that FlyLady is a system that works miracles for people like me. I know that it works and I know that I'm not THAT flawed that FlyLady can't possibly work for me. So I made up a new sink. It's called my bed.
My whole house was a wreck. Clutter everywhere, dirt piled up. Disgusting. I would manage to crisis clean it decently any time I was expecting company, but God forbid someone drop by unannounced! I started reading FlyLady's book, Sink Reflections and she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. She was talking about getting our houses "company ready" and then reflected that she hated that term because we should be treating our families even better than we treat our company. Ouch. And I knew something had to change. I decided that since that sink thing wasn't working for me, I needed a new focus. And I somehow fell into it being my bed. Making my bed is way easier than keeping all my dishes done. It takes only a few minutes and it looks gorgeous when it's all tucked in neat. And it feels delicious to climb into a clean, neat bed at the end of a long day. So I made the bed. And even though my room was disastardly (my own word, and I love it too much to let the spell-checker fix it), I smiled every time I walked in the room or walked past the room because I could see that nice neat bed. And from there I got started. I made my bed every day. The next week I actually washed the sheets (and I can't tell you how long it had been. Yuck.) And I still kept making the bed. Then I decided that I wanted the room to look decent around that beautiful bed, so I figured I'd better start doing laundry. And suddenly (okay, actually like a week later) all the laundry was done. I'm doing one load each day now and putting it away as soon as it's dry. There's no more clean laundry pile-up. No more dirty laundry pile-up. No more wondering if something in or near a pile is clean or dirty. All the clothes are put away. Baby step 2 complete.
The following Monday (which was yesterday) I washed the sheets again. I hung them on the line and started to remake the bed with sheets from the closet. Then I stopped myself. I'm doing all this work to make things pretty... I deserve to have sheets that smell like sunshine on my bed! So for the first time in 2 weeks, I didn't make my bed right away yesterday. I waited until the sheets on the line were dry and then made it. Now my bed smells like sunshine and it makes me even happier. So this is what that "finally loving yourself" thing is all about...
So fast forward to today and I am working on baby step number 3. I'm still following the FlyLady philosophy - FlyLady gave me my pixie dust to get me off the ground! - but I'm making it work for me, like she always says to do! My baby step number 3 is to get the dishes done and keep them done. If I do a small sink-full every day, it'll be just like the laundry, done and done with very minimal effort. And that's the kind of doing I like.
So wish me luck as I flutter off to work on some more dishes. My bed is made. The laundry is done, folded and put away. Baby step number three is half-way completed. Give me a couple of weeks and I think my house will be not just company-ready, but home.
"I began by shining my sink. It was a simple task that did not overpower me. When I finished the sink that shiny sink gave me hope. It was also faith in myself. I accomplished something and I was keeping it shining and not falling back into my old ways." ~FlyLady
The fact that my blog has been completely inactive, though, certainly doesn't mean that I have been. I'm skipping the My One Word journal that was given this month (and continuing to skip the ones that I've already skipped) so that I can get some other stuff out. I am still working on my homeward-ness, and do plan on catching up on those at some point. But today is not that point.
I guess the biggest news since my last post is that my sweet man and I are expecting another baby. Currently nicknamed Blueberry, the baby is due on November 5. No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I'm not sure if we plan on finding out, but I'll say that we probably will because Eric wants to know and I'm sure as heck not letting him know if I don't. I'm not that bothered about the whole surprise thing. You either get surprised when you still have time to buy blue or pink clothing or you get surprised when you've already had to stock up on green and yellow stuff. We'll likely opt for the earlier, prep-time surprise. At first, Blueberry had me quite sick. Thankfully, that only lasted for a few weeks. Now my appetite is back in full force and I'm starting to get a bit of a bump (more than the fat roll I had a few weeks ago). I need to get a picture, but I need a competent camera operator to do that. Logan doesn't count.
The second bit of big news is that Logan has finished 1st grade! I am so incredibly proud of him. We actually finished up early this year because we were both starting to get twitterpated; him with the beautiful weather outside, and me with the beautiful dirt in the garden. So we went over the standards for 1st grade, found out we'd already surpassed them, and called this boring, boring curriculum quits. He took his test and got a 92%, so the government is satisfied. He got a National Award in PE (yes, I bore my musician husband a jock!). And I have seen him learn and grow so much this year that I am tickled pink! He is a really amazing little boy, and I am super proud of him. Next year we are planning to homeschool again, although we'll start in early August this time so we can take the amount of time off that we need to in November when Blueberry arrives. I'm super excited to get away from CLE, which was educationally very good, but also very boring, and get back to My Father's World, which we did in Kindergarten and both really loved. We're also supplementing that with Professor B math, which I'm also massively excited about. Logan is not a lover of math (wonder where he got that from....), and from the research I've done, this is a GREAT curriculum for kids like him. And I'm sure we'll be supplementing with plenty of visits to the library and any other cool field trips we can afford and with some cool lapbooks again too (we did several this year and had a lot of fun with them.) Homeschooling rocks and I am so proud and happy that we can call ourselves a homeschool family!
Well. Now that I have the big announcements out of the way, I guess I can actually get to the point here. This does have something to do with that special little word I've chosen, so if you were hoping for an update on that, you can count this, because it's as close as you're going to get right now.
I'm sure that anyone who reads this knows that I have been attempting to FLY for almost two years now. Those attempts have been largely comprised of tiny flutters followed by severe crashing and burning. I am out to change that once and for all. So I started with my bed. I know, I know... FlyLady says start with the kitchen sink. But hear me out!
The kitchen sink thing just didn't work for me. I shined my kitchen sink fifty-eleven times. Usually at least once a month, I would "get back on the wagon" and shine my sink. After doing all the massive pile-up of dishes, and shining said sink, I was so exhausted that I couldn't possibly do another thing. Shining the sink is the first step right? Yeah, only if you keep it that way every day. Not if you clean the dishes, shine the sink, then let the dishes (and disgusting bits that go along with them) pile up in the shiny sink until it is dull and gross again. That's what we call a vicious cycle. But I know in the depths of my soul that FlyLady is a system that works miracles for people like me. I know that it works and I know that I'm not THAT flawed that FlyLady can't possibly work for me. So I made up a new sink. It's called my bed.
My whole house was a wreck. Clutter everywhere, dirt piled up. Disgusting. I would manage to crisis clean it decently any time I was expecting company, but God forbid someone drop by unannounced! I started reading FlyLady's book, Sink Reflections and she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. She was talking about getting our houses "company ready" and then reflected that she hated that term because we should be treating our families even better than we treat our company. Ouch. And I knew something had to change. I decided that since that sink thing wasn't working for me, I needed a new focus. And I somehow fell into it being my bed. Making my bed is way easier than keeping all my dishes done. It takes only a few minutes and it looks gorgeous when it's all tucked in neat. And it feels delicious to climb into a clean, neat bed at the end of a long day. So I made the bed. And even though my room was disastardly (my own word, and I love it too much to let the spell-checker fix it), I smiled every time I walked in the room or walked past the room because I could see that nice neat bed. And from there I got started. I made my bed every day. The next week I actually washed the sheets (and I can't tell you how long it had been. Yuck.) And I still kept making the bed. Then I decided that I wanted the room to look decent around that beautiful bed, so I figured I'd better start doing laundry. And suddenly (okay, actually like a week later) all the laundry was done. I'm doing one load each day now and putting it away as soon as it's dry. There's no more clean laundry pile-up. No more dirty laundry pile-up. No more wondering if something in or near a pile is clean or dirty. All the clothes are put away. Baby step 2 complete.
The following Monday (which was yesterday) I washed the sheets again. I hung them on the line and started to remake the bed with sheets from the closet. Then I stopped myself. I'm doing all this work to make things pretty... I deserve to have sheets that smell like sunshine on my bed! So for the first time in 2 weeks, I didn't make my bed right away yesterday. I waited until the sheets on the line were dry and then made it. Now my bed smells like sunshine and it makes me even happier. So this is what that "finally loving yourself" thing is all about...
So fast forward to today and I am working on baby step number 3. I'm still following the FlyLady philosophy - FlyLady gave me my pixie dust to get me off the ground! - but I'm making it work for me, like she always says to do! My baby step number 3 is to get the dishes done and keep them done. If I do a small sink-full every day, it'll be just like the laundry, done and done with very minimal effort. And that's the kind of doing I like.
So wish me luck as I flutter off to work on some more dishes. My bed is made. The laundry is done, folded and put away. Baby step number three is half-way completed. Give me a couple of weeks and I think my house will be not just company-ready, but home.
"I began by shining my sink. It was a simple task that did not overpower me. When I finished the sink that shiny sink gave me hope. It was also faith in myself. I accomplished something and I was keeping it shining and not falling back into my old ways." ~FlyLady
Monday, January 24, 2011
In which my thoughts escape
Something I've found is that becoming "homeward" is about a lot more than walking around all day singing Paul Simon. Who knew?!
Clearly, everyone should accept this statement. So I have. I completely accept that. But how exactly can I go about putting it into practice? Really. How does a disorganized housewife go about training for Godliness? Yep, discipline. So here are the disciplines that I've actually signed on for here: self-controlled, pure, busy at home, kind, and submissive to my husband. Let me break it down...
Self-controlled: This kind of encompasses a lot, depending on your situation. What it means for me specifically is that I need to productively channel my frustrations. Being a fighter is not helpful in the home. Proverbs says that someone without self control is like a city with broken-down walls. That really resonates with me now that I'm thinking about it. I actually started this blog two days ago, but really had to meditate on this self-control thing. When I lose my self-control, I can almost feel my figurative walls start to crumble. And generally when I lose my composure, it's because I'm angry with Logan. What happens then is that I open myself up to "attacks" from him. When I am in control of my speech and emotions, I can take whatever he can deal. I might not be making an immediate difference in the situation, but I'm still in control of myself, at the very least. But once I lose control, he can break me down in a second. And then I know my whole day's gone down the drain, because I'm on edge, he's on edge, and all that will be accomplished that day is a big pile of skubala.
Pure: The obvious meaning (at least for me) of this is to be sexually pure (where's my mind?). And I think that's an extremely important message. Sex is a wonderful and beautiful thing when taken in the context that God designed for it. And I could literally write entire blogs about that topic. But I think that's another blog for another time. It is important to stay pure in that way, but that's really not a problem for me at this point in time. I'm already on guard in that area. The type of purity that needs my focus for the purposes of this exercise is a bit deeper. It's to be pure in heart, thought, motive. I think this sums it up better than I can. Imagine that. This is really a key component too, and one that I probably wouldn't have thought to address, except that I started to break down my verse. It's all well and good to do all these things, but all our righteous deeds are like (*cough*) bloody tampons. (Yeah, the bible pretty much says that). The point is to have your heart in the right place and your eyes on Jesus while you're doing what you're doing. The point is to spend your life on Him. And so no matter how clean my house is, how happy my husband is, how good my cooking is, or how well-behaved my kids are, it's all bloody tampons if my motives aren't pure.
Busy at Home: Ahh, the Proverbs 31 wife. That saucy minx! She is the delight of her husband and the envy of every housewife. To have everything that together would put me on cloud flipping nine. That is what Paul's talking about! Well... that and a bit more. I think to have it all together like old P31 is a good part and a great start of it. But the other side is that if one is busy at home, one cannot be busy in other places where one should not be. To be busy at home means 1) to actually be at home and 2) to be active while you're there. It actually means that I'm doing better work if I'm not carting my kids all over God's green earth for 1001 extracurriculars. I'm doing better work if I'm not spending my time watching soaps. And I'm doing better work if I'm home reading my Bible, writing this blog (or that one), or hanging out with my husband instead of going out to shop or have a drink. That's not to say that extracurriculars, tv, or time with friends is bad - not at all! - but those kinds of things really cannot to be high on my priority list. Busy at home means busy at home. By God's providence, we really don't have a lot of money for that kind of thing, so the "home" part isn't that difficult for me; the "busy" part may prove to be more so.
Kind: So, my best friend asked me earlier this evening how homeschooling was going. And up until that point, my initial thought would have been something to the effect of "Logan is freaking impossible!!!!" But, interestingly, what came out of my mouth was to describe how difficult it would be to have to have school in your own house where your TV, all your toys and video games, and your fun-to-play with sister are all at arms reach. And not only this, but to have your own mom, whom you know how to irritate and push around, teaching you. I have no idea why those things came out, other than divine inspiration so that I'd have an anecdote to share here. But I think that's what kindness is about. Putting yourself in another person's shoes. Having compassion toward them, even when the issues they're dealing with cause you personal discomfort (or sheer rage). Normally, I am not so great at this. Oh, sure, I always have an excuse in my mind for why the guy in front of me is driving 12 miles an hour with his blinker on for the past mile. And I never get angry at that guy. But when my husband is playing XBox instead of talking to me, it's not quite so easy for me to be kind about it. I don't mean it would be okay to let my family walk all over me, but to recognize that maybe my husband's had a hard day at work and needs a chance to unwind for a little while really wouldn't be all that out of line.
Submissive: This is not a real easy pill to swallow for a forward-thinking woman. The fact that a husband plays an important role in this sometimes lessons the blow. Really, it's not all that difficult to submit to a man who loves you so much he'd die for you and wants to give you the very best of everything he has to offer. Yep, that's what God calls him to do. All I have to do is submit to him. Submission really doesn't bother me at all because it kind of takes the pressure off, in a way. It's like I can trust that he's in control, so I don't have to be. It's very reassuring to be in submission. Girl power! Or something like that. This is the one part of submission that I'm still really trying to work out though... Adorn myself with submission?? Be submissive like Sarah?!?! What does fear have to do with anything??? I'll let you know when I work that one out. And Peter says Paul's writing is difficult to understand. Sheesh...
So..... I know what I need to do. I just need to submit to the will of God and follow these simple steps. I would say that my biggest stumbling block to all of this is my own very thick skull. Clearly I know the answers and can break it down very (okay, not very) concisely. But it's very difficult to get anywhere when one is so terribly busy fighting with one's self. The good thing is that, even though I really can't do all this, Jesus can! I just need to keep digging those ditches in faith (yep, sticking with the Elisha reference), because I know that He is faithful (God, not Elisha... although he was too...) and He wants me to live life to the full. And when I think about it in that context, I realize that the whining and "I don't wanna's" actually are coming straight from the pits of Hell.
Heavy, right? God doesn't want me and my kids sitting amidst piles of junk arguing. But someone does want that. And he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He's coming to steal my joy, to kill my orderliness, and to destroy my relationships. Why should I allow that? The fact is, there's no reason on earth that I should. Jesus has already crushed him, and I don't have to let him mess things up for me.
Someone remind me of that next time I put down my shovel.
Friday, January 21, 2011
In which we got trouble right here in River City
It seems like par for the course that I would write one day about how well I was doing at keeping my cool with my son, and then the very next day he would drag me through hell. Gotcha!
It started yesterday morning when I told Logan to get dressed for the day and he came back and said he didn't have any pants in his drawer. Excuse me?! I have been keeping up on the house work. I know good and well that you've got pants in your drawer! After some investigation, I found that instead of putting his clothes away when Eric or I sent him to his room with a stack, he had been shoving them in the back of his closet instead of placing them in the appropriate drawer. So, I told him to take all the clothes out of the back of the closet, get dressed and I would be with him in a moment. I was fuming! I took that moment to send up a quick prayer, asking for God's guidance and an extra dose of that awesome patience he'd been providing. Then I texted Eric to clue him in to what was going on. And I went back to Logan. I told him he would need to finish all his school work, straighten his room, and put the clothes away properly before he'd be allowed TV, Xbox, DS, or computer. (And off topic, why the heck does a six-year-old have these kinds of options available to him in the first place?? Who are his parents?? I'd like to have a word....... oh.... yeah... me.) Anyway...
That was the end of my sanity for the day. The entire day was spent with me telling him what he needed to do and him retorting "I WILL NOT DO WHAT YOU SAY UNTIL YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!!!!" or "YOU WILL GIVE ME WHAT I WANT NOW!!!!! He jumped on my back. He hung on my legs. He punched me. He climbed the doorways like a monkey so I couldn't get through from room to room. This is my life. This is why I need patience. Praise God, I kept my wits about me all day. I never backed down, never raised my hand or voice in anger, never got any of my work done, and never got through to him. Eric came home, talked to him for 5 minutes, gave him three swats on the butt, and Logan started working. Seriously? Seriously?!?! I did everything I was supposed to do! I followed the rules! I went by the book! My responses were Spirit led! Why didn't my actions produce the desired response?!
So... two days after my post saying that I wasn't feeling a whole lot of resistance, I am posting that I am feeling a lot of resistance. I am feeling pretty down, honestly. It's funny how one bad day can make you forget a week of good ones. I was ready by the end of the day to put Logan on a school bus - any school bus - this morning, whether he was registered for school or not. But I can't do that, for obvious reasons, so I have to learn to cope with days like that.
So what does God say about it all? Logan's a fool? That doesn't seem right. He's stupid? I don't think that's the answer either. I have to wait for the results of my discipline? That's probably closer to it. So how do I get through with my sanity somewhat intact until that proverbial "harvest of righteousness"? Patience. The lesson is still patience, and apparently I haven't learned it yet. (Interestingly, the verse that came to mind was Galations 6:9, interesting because Logan and I memorized that one together).
It is very difficult to be "homeward" when the home in question is an unpleasant place to be. I'm doing what I can to improve things. I have cleaned and organized. I have set up routines (and am even trying to follow them!) to make our days run smoothly. But where other people are involved (especially tiny, immature people) things won't always go as planned. I am doing a good job of being an outward picture of patience, but it's not really a part of me yet. Like I said in a previous blog, this is still feeling so unnatural because I'm asking God to change my very character. I guess it's yet another thing that will come together in God's perfect timing. (Funny that I need patience to develop real patience. Seems like kind of a Catch 22). But it makes it kind of hard when I need patience, and I need it now!
Today has, admittedly, been a bit better. School work never got done yesterday. School work never got done today. Bad homeschool mommy, I know. But I just didn't have the mental strength to push the issue, because homeschooling Logan truly is a daily struggle. I am going to sign off now, because I'm in a fairly bad place, and typing this (and likely reading it) is not terribly uplifting. I'm going to turn on my iPod and listen to some praise music and dance around my housework and pray for peace. Lord help me if I have another day like yesterday any time soon.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
It started yesterday morning when I told Logan to get dressed for the day and he came back and said he didn't have any pants in his drawer. Excuse me?! I have been keeping up on the house work. I know good and well that you've got pants in your drawer! After some investigation, I found that instead of putting his clothes away when Eric or I sent him to his room with a stack, he had been shoving them in the back of his closet instead of placing them in the appropriate drawer. So, I told him to take all the clothes out of the back of the closet, get dressed and I would be with him in a moment. I was fuming! I took that moment to send up a quick prayer, asking for God's guidance and an extra dose of that awesome patience he'd been providing. Then I texted Eric to clue him in to what was going on. And I went back to Logan. I told him he would need to finish all his school work, straighten his room, and put the clothes away properly before he'd be allowed TV, Xbox, DS, or computer. (And off topic, why the heck does a six-year-old have these kinds of options available to him in the first place?? Who are his parents?? I'd like to have a word....... oh.... yeah... me.) Anyway...
That was the end of my sanity for the day. The entire day was spent with me telling him what he needed to do and him retorting "I WILL NOT DO WHAT YOU SAY UNTIL YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!!!!" or "YOU WILL GIVE ME WHAT I WANT NOW!!!!! He jumped on my back. He hung on my legs. He punched me. He climbed the doorways like a monkey so I couldn't get through from room to room. This is my life. This is why I need patience. Praise God, I kept my wits about me all day. I never backed down, never raised my hand or voice in anger, never got any of my work done, and never got through to him. Eric came home, talked to him for 5 minutes, gave him three swats on the butt, and Logan started working. Seriously? Seriously?!?! I did everything I was supposed to do! I followed the rules! I went by the book! My responses were Spirit led! Why didn't my actions produce the desired response?!
So... two days after my post saying that I wasn't feeling a whole lot of resistance, I am posting that I am feeling a lot of resistance. I am feeling pretty down, honestly. It's funny how one bad day can make you forget a week of good ones. I was ready by the end of the day to put Logan on a school bus - any school bus - this morning, whether he was registered for school or not. But I can't do that, for obvious reasons, so I have to learn to cope with days like that.
So what does God say about it all? Logan's a fool? That doesn't seem right. He's stupid? I don't think that's the answer either. I have to wait for the results of my discipline? That's probably closer to it. So how do I get through with my sanity somewhat intact until that proverbial "harvest of righteousness"? Patience. The lesson is still patience, and apparently I haven't learned it yet. (Interestingly, the verse that came to mind was Galations 6:9, interesting because Logan and I memorized that one together).
It is very difficult to be "homeward" when the home in question is an unpleasant place to be. I'm doing what I can to improve things. I have cleaned and organized. I have set up routines (and am even trying to follow them!) to make our days run smoothly. But where other people are involved (especially tiny, immature people) things won't always go as planned. I am doing a good job of being an outward picture of patience, but it's not really a part of me yet. Like I said in a previous blog, this is still feeling so unnatural because I'm asking God to change my very character. I guess it's yet another thing that will come together in God's perfect timing. (Funny that I need patience to develop real patience. Seems like kind of a Catch 22). But it makes it kind of hard when I need patience, and I need it now!
Today has, admittedly, been a bit better. School work never got done yesterday. School work never got done today. Bad homeschool mommy, I know. But I just didn't have the mental strength to push the issue, because homeschooling Logan truly is a daily struggle. I am going to sign off now, because I'm in a fairly bad place, and typing this (and likely reading it) is not terribly uplifting. I'm going to turn on my iPod and listen to some praise music and dance around my housework and pray for peace. Lord help me if I have another day like yesterday any time soon.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
In which I try to look through God colored glasses
The first challenge, now that the one-word euphoria has died down and real life has started to set in, is to view this challenge as something that is about more than me and the things I do. Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to do good things, but doing good stuff isn't going to get me where I want to be. Doing good things through my own power will just have me running around like Martha and never getting it all done.
So the really crucial part here is making sure that I'm not just trying to get it all done myself. Because I can do that for a few days. I've done it before. Especially right before a Tupperware party! But it never lasts, because I'm never making real changes within myself, just putting up a front and acting like a clean-house-Pharisee. To truly make this work, it has to be something that God does within me, not something that I do to my house and family.
The first thing that I'm trying to tackle is my lack of patience. The fact is, we are living in a material world and I am a material girl. I want it all to happen right now. It's like, I've decided I want a clean house and I want it cleaned.... now! (I'll even wiggle my nose if that will help). I want school with my son to be easy and I want it to start now! So, why isn't he doing his part and learning already?!
See my problem?
The other thing that has been a real hindrance this week is my words. I know that we speak out of the overflow of our hearts. But when God laid that scripture on my heart, I didn't care too much for it. I am the mom that flies off the handle and screams. And that's the overflow of my heart? No way... I love my kids more than life itself! I am momma bear, hear me roar! So why do I talk to my kids that way? I would strangle someone else who talked to them like that... Again, I am praying for patience. I had a long conversation with Logan about it and apologized to him for speaking that way to him. And he is so amazing. He hugged me and said "I'm happy you're trying to be nicer." Wow.
And something struck me, just now actually. I didn't plan to write this, but I will because it's profound. One of the main reasons that I wanted to improve my character was so that my kids would see and experience God's love in our household. And the first thing I'm working on is patience. Looks like I got myself a checklist of Godly self-improvement. Next up, kindness...
So it's been a tough couple of weeks with this one word thing. Aside from my lack of patience, my biggest problem has been this major martyr-complex. The classic "I've been slaving over a hot stove all day..." syndrome. The fact is, I really do receive a lot of joy from serving my family. Getting to spend my time loving our kids is an awesome, awesome payment for the work I do. But there are still times when my old nature kicks in and I think "I know Eric's just going to get this bed wrinkly so I don't know why I bother making it?!" or "I don't know why I'm out here washing dishes while Eric and the kids are watching TV!" Poor me... I sacrifice so much of myself. And Eric will say with a little gleam in his eye, "Well, it's not my job..." and I remember... I'm not a martyr... just a housewife. Get back in the kitchen, woman...
Seriously though... I am grateful to God for convicting me, for breaking my heart when it needed it, and for forgiving me for my major (and minor) screw-ups. And what's really awesome is that I have kept a level head with Logan for four days now. That's not saying I haven't been frustrated or even angry with him. I have! Just FYI, six-year-old boys are massively frustrating. But praise God! I have been patient with him. I have rebuked him lovingly. I have even listened with both ears when he tells me all about Lego Batman and what a hindrance Robin can be. And that's not me. That's not me at all. Only God could do that, because did I mention that six-year-old boys are frustrating?
I have been slowly, patiently working on getting things in order. It's a long process, but I am digging ditches and getting there. And I am sure it'll take at least a year, but I know the water's coming, even if I don't see the rain, and I'm trusting God until it gets here.
Parents are the very last people who ought to be allowed to have children. ~H.E. Bell
So the really crucial part here is making sure that I'm not just trying to get it all done myself. Because I can do that for a few days. I've done it before. Especially right before a Tupperware party! But it never lasts, because I'm never making real changes within myself, just putting up a front and acting like a clean-house-Pharisee. To truly make this work, it has to be something that God does within me, not something that I do to my house and family.
The first thing that I'm trying to tackle is my lack of patience. The fact is, we are living in a material world and I am a material girl. I want it all to happen right now. It's like, I've decided I want a clean house and I want it cleaned.... now! (I'll even wiggle my nose if that will help). I want school with my son to be easy and I want it to start now! So, why isn't he doing his part and learning already?!
See my problem?
The other thing that has been a real hindrance this week is my words. I know that we speak out of the overflow of our hearts. But when God laid that scripture on my heart, I didn't care too much for it. I am the mom that flies off the handle and screams. And that's the overflow of my heart? No way... I love my kids more than life itself! I am momma bear, hear me roar! So why do I talk to my kids that way? I would strangle someone else who talked to them like that... Again, I am praying for patience. I had a long conversation with Logan about it and apologized to him for speaking that way to him. And he is so amazing. He hugged me and said "I'm happy you're trying to be nicer." Wow.
And something struck me, just now actually. I didn't plan to write this, but I will because it's profound. One of the main reasons that I wanted to improve my character was so that my kids would see and experience God's love in our household. And the first thing I'm working on is patience. Looks like I got myself a checklist of Godly self-improvement. Next up, kindness...
So it's been a tough couple of weeks with this one word thing. Aside from my lack of patience, my biggest problem has been this major martyr-complex. The classic "I've been slaving over a hot stove all day..." syndrome. The fact is, I really do receive a lot of joy from serving my family. Getting to spend my time loving our kids is an awesome, awesome payment for the work I do. But there are still times when my old nature kicks in and I think "I know Eric's just going to get this bed wrinkly so I don't know why I bother making it?!" or "I don't know why I'm out here washing dishes while Eric and the kids are watching TV!" Poor me... I sacrifice so much of myself. And Eric will say with a little gleam in his eye, "Well, it's not my job..." and I remember... I'm not a martyr... just a housewife. Get back in the kitchen, woman...
Seriously though... I am grateful to God for convicting me, for breaking my heart when it needed it, and for forgiving me for my major (and minor) screw-ups. And what's really awesome is that I have kept a level head with Logan for four days now. That's not saying I haven't been frustrated or even angry with him. I have! Just FYI, six-year-old boys are massively frustrating. But praise God! I have been patient with him. I have rebuked him lovingly. I have even listened with both ears when he tells me all about Lego Batman and what a hindrance Robin can be. And that's not me. That's not me at all. Only God could do that, because did I mention that six-year-old boys are frustrating?
I have been slowly, patiently working on getting things in order. It's a long process, but I am digging ditches and getting there. And I am sure it'll take at least a year, but I know the water's coming, even if I don't see the rain, and I'm trusting God until it gets here.
Parents are the very last people who ought to be allowed to have children. ~H.E. Bell
Sunday, January 16, 2011
In which I make a resolution I can stand by (I hope)
Around the end of 2010, I started hearing little rumblings about choosing one word to focus and meditate on in the New Year instead of making a resolution. After a great deal of procrastination, I finally looked up the site and decided I'd give it a try. I put a lot of thought into this one word and I think I finally came up with something that will work really well for me and embodies the person I'd like to be at the end of 2011. I am the type (like most of us, I'm sure) that always makes resolutions with good (if slightly intoxicated) intentions and never stands by them for more than a few days. If I am totally honest, which I guess I will be here, I'm not sure that this will be any different. But I thought it would be beneficial to give it my best effort. If it works out, I'm going to focus this blog toward my one-word resolution. The site I'm using, My One Word, gives journal topics periodically, so if my blogs seem amazingly focused, it's because I've copied and pasted the topic here, then deleted it after exhausting the topic given. It's also quite likely that a lot of my links will be to scripture. I'd apologize for that, but I really don't need to because a)it's my blog and I'll link what I want to and b)there's nothing else that could possibly support my thoughts, feelings and ambitions here better.
As I'm sure anyone who will bother to read this knows, I am a stay at home mom. My biggest struggles revolve around caring for my children and organizing my home. I realized in thinking about this one word that my biggest reason for these problems is because my head isn't totally in it. Even though I'm a housewife (I prefer that to the PC "homemaker"), I still feel guilty that our family struggles financially and that I'm not in the workforce. And I must admit that I feel a bit jealous that I can't be out doing a job that I enjoy like my husband does. I, quite literally, desire my husband's position, as Genesis says that I will. It affects every aspect of my life at home, making me miserable and fairly useless at my actual calling: motherhood. I am called to be a mother to my young children, to love my husband, and to organize my home. My word is "homeward" because I want to focus my orientation homeward to be the wife, mother and woman that God wants me to be.
At the end of 2011, by focusing on this one word, I'd like to be a more devoted mother and wife. I would like to show my children the meaning of love and joy as I work in our home and teach them. I'd like to never (rarely?) be bogged down by that intense guilt that comes from yelling at my kids in anger or wasting a day doing nothing when the house is in shambles. I would love it if I could take my kids to the park without worrying that I'll be coming home, exhausted, to a big pile of CHAOS. The person I would like to become could be described with words like loving, joyful, peaceful, a good mom. I hate the feeling that I'm always doing and never accomplishing. I'd like to be the type of person who accomplishes at least a few things now and again.
I have been trying this for about a week+ now. Obviously, I'm not totally on top of it yet, since I'm just now writing the blog that should have been written a week (or two?) ago. In effect, I'm trying to change, or maybe just develop, my character. In my attempts thus far, it feels completely unnatural, and I am constantly reverting back to the old norms, just like I always have with every resolution I've ever made. The biggest difference is that this one is still on my mind, and the Holy Spirit convicts me when I'm wrong, which is frequently. Because of that, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that what I'm doing here is something that God wants of me. Wife and mother are, for this season of life, my highest callings.
In order to make these changes in character a reality, I am going to have to work pretty flipping hard at it. As I said, it is unnatural! To make these changes, I have to get up in the mornings, get my clothes on and make the bed. Eat a banana, so I don't get the low-blood-sugar/low-potassium grouchies (amazingly enough, eating right puts me in a better mood. Who knew?) Get my kids breakfast. Do school with my son. Straighten the house. Play with my kids. Amazingly enough, it's pretty simple stuff. And as I'm typing about it now, I imagine that nothing would bring me more joy than to serve my family in these ways. Oddly, in the morning, after getting not enough sleep, I will feel that there is no reason I can't stay in my pjs half the day, rush through school work, and lounge around on Facebook. Like Paul, I do not do what I want to do (although I doubt he ever imagined that verse would be applied to Facebook Wheel of Fortune). What's up with that? It's this cycle of laziness and selfishness that I need to change. Now, what's so hard about that?
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. ~Roseanne Barr
As I'm sure anyone who will bother to read this knows, I am a stay at home mom. My biggest struggles revolve around caring for my children and organizing my home. I realized in thinking about this one word that my biggest reason for these problems is because my head isn't totally in it. Even though I'm a housewife (I prefer that to the PC "homemaker"), I still feel guilty that our family struggles financially and that I'm not in the workforce. And I must admit that I feel a bit jealous that I can't be out doing a job that I enjoy like my husband does. I, quite literally, desire my husband's position, as Genesis says that I will. It affects every aspect of my life at home, making me miserable and fairly useless at my actual calling: motherhood. I am called to be a mother to my young children, to love my husband, and to organize my home. My word is "homeward" because I want to focus my orientation homeward to be the wife, mother and woman that God wants me to be.
At the end of 2011, by focusing on this one word, I'd like to be a more devoted mother and wife. I would like to show my children the meaning of love and joy as I work in our home and teach them. I'd like to never (rarely?) be bogged down by that intense guilt that comes from yelling at my kids in anger or wasting a day doing nothing when the house is in shambles. I would love it if I could take my kids to the park without worrying that I'll be coming home, exhausted, to a big pile of CHAOS. The person I would like to become could be described with words like loving, joyful, peaceful, a good mom. I hate the feeling that I'm always doing and never accomplishing. I'd like to be the type of person who accomplishes at least a few things now and again.
I have been trying this for about a week+ now. Obviously, I'm not totally on top of it yet, since I'm just now writing the blog that should have been written a week (or two?) ago. In effect, I'm trying to change, or maybe just develop, my character. In my attempts thus far, it feels completely unnatural, and I am constantly reverting back to the old norms, just like I always have with every resolution I've ever made. The biggest difference is that this one is still on my mind, and the Holy Spirit convicts me when I'm wrong, which is frequently. Because of that, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that what I'm doing here is something that God wants of me. Wife and mother are, for this season of life, my highest callings.
In order to make these changes in character a reality, I am going to have to work pretty flipping hard at it. As I said, it is unnatural! To make these changes, I have to get up in the mornings, get my clothes on and make the bed. Eat a banana, so I don't get the low-blood-sugar/low-potassium grouchies (amazingly enough, eating right puts me in a better mood. Who knew?) Get my kids breakfast. Do school with my son. Straighten the house. Play with my kids. Amazingly enough, it's pretty simple stuff. And as I'm typing about it now, I imagine that nothing would bring me more joy than to serve my family in these ways. Oddly, in the morning, after getting not enough sleep, I will feel that there is no reason I can't stay in my pjs half the day, rush through school work, and lounge around on Facebook. Like Paul, I do not do what I want to do (although I doubt he ever imagined that verse would be applied to Facebook Wheel of Fortune). What's up with that? It's this cycle of laziness and selfishness that I need to change. Now, what's so hard about that?
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. ~Roseanne Barr
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