In which I am granted my heart's desire

I started a little personal Bible study last week that I found on a Titus 2 woman website. The theme of the whole thing is "Makeover of the Heart," which I found to be a rather helpful topic as it relates to My One Word. So I read through the first lesson, checked out the scriptures referenced, and, being me, I got completely hung up on the first question. So for the past week or so, I have been pondering the answer, and, although they only allowed about three lines in which to write my answer, I'm going to go ahead and fill a blog with it.

The scripture referenced in this particular question is Psalm 37:4 and the question is "What are the desires of your heart?" I guess I first had to define what that even means. I mean, there are a lot of things I desire... a cast iron dutch oven, a good kitchen timer, a few extra hours in my day... those would all be nice. I can even throw a Godly answer in there! My Bible is in tatters (particularly the New Testament half) and I'd love to have a new one. But... I don't think those things exactly qualify as my heart's desire, do they?

No... this is something deeper. Significantly deeper. I had to dig right to my heart to figure this one out. And that's honestly not the easiest thing to do! My mind is constantly going. I think about mundane things like my weekly to-do list. I think about scriptures I've read, sermons I've heard, people I know, blogs I want to write. I think about bizarre things like if I don't make it to the hospital in time, do I deliver the placenta myself too, or just let the baby sort of dangle there until I get to the hospital (which is especially ridiculous if you know where I live in relation to the hospital). At any rate, my mind is always working, but it's very rarely working on anything especially deep. So this was something of a challenge.

But after lots of prayer and heart-searching (the study said to "take a few minutes" for this. I think by "minutes" they meant "days", or perhaps "weeks") I think I have been able to figure this thing out to a certain degree.


The first thing that came to mind when talking about matters of the heart was my children. I'm a stay-at-home mother of (almost) three, a homeschool mom, I recently became a Cub Scout mom, I'm a cloth diapering and breastfeeding mom, and... you get the idea. Motherhood is one of the primary ways I identify myself. So I started out thinking "What is my hearts desire for my children?"

I devote a lot of time and energy to those little people. I want them to be self-sufficient, clean, well-read, and well-educated. I want them to be able to think for themselves and to feel free to ask questions. And I spend a lot of time teaching them these things (particularly Logan... have you ever tried to teach a 36 week old fetus anything?) But when it comes right down to the heart of it, I would rather them be illiterate, living in my basement forever and needing me to do their laundry for life than I would for them to not know and love Jesus.

I know that's kind of a cliche churchy answer, sort of like saying "we just want a healthy baby" when an expectant parent is asked if they're hoping for a boy or girl, but to be honest, sometimes there is a reason for the cliche... it's true!!! Do I want my children to have successful and happy lives? Of course. But even more than that, I want them to feel the joy and freedom that I feel and I want them to feel those things with Jesus for eternity!


The second thing that I thought of was my marriage. Just running through the stereotypical housewife's checklist here, I guess. I am a wife, and that's another of the ways that I identify myself. Simply put, my heart's desire here is that my husband will delight in me, and I in him, until death parts us. I desire that we will love and serve each other just like we vowed to do and that we will never break our marriage covenant. Sure, I'd like us to have lots of money, a bigger house, a maid... but honestly, I signed on for "richer or poorer" and I'm perfectly content with "poorer" if it means I have my Godly man leading me and loving me for life. I desire that we would work through everything that should come our way and have the kind of marriage that God wants us to have.


Finally, I've found that the only other thing that is really and truly there in my heart of hearts is Jesus. And I mention Him last, not because He is least, but because He's the beginning and the end, and this is kind of where my heart-searching journey stopped. My desire, in Christ, is to be a Godly woman. Period. So... what exactly does that mean??

Well... The bible has quite a lot to say about women (despite common misconceptions). One of the first places that a woman seeking to be Godly is generally directed is to Proverbs 31. Let me unpack that one a little to begin with. Firstly, P31 is of noble character, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. I have to mention that I definitely think of P31 as quite the wealthy broad, but that is not really what defines her and it's not what the scripture is referring to when it says that her husband lacks nothing. That is referring back to her noble character. A description of said character follows. Basically, she is a hard worker and isn't idle (ie she doesn't Facebook and watch TV all day). She is charitable. She manages her household well (she has a shiny sink!). She is wise and gives sound instruction. And she loves God. Because of these things her children and husband adore her and sing her praises. Big shoes to fill, no?

Ruth is another woman to look to in the Bible. She was devoted, a hard worker, a good wife and a good daughter. She's described as someone having noble character, so I would say that she completely exemplified what is described in Proverbs 31. And she's kind of my sort of woman, because she was not monetarily wealthy, but she was wealthy in spirit and character, which is far more important.

I'm actually going to stop after giving one more example, not because there aren't anymore, but because if I don't stop somewhere, I'll never stop! And you didn't think I was really going to go through this whole thing without mentioning my favorite verses did you? Here is talks about older and younger women as having separate, but connected, duties. Older women should live reverently, not gossip or drink too much, and teach younger women about the good life. The younger women should follow those teachings and love their husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, be busy at home, kind, and subject to their husbands.

Those are three examples, but there are actually a lot of these scriptures (Proverbs is chock-full of them, and Paul has a good bit to say about women too), but they all say sort of the same things, really. 1)Women are important members of the household. 2) Women are to love God. 3) They are to work hard managing their homes, taking care of and loving their children, and loving and serving their husbands (and just FYI, I could go on a whole Song of Songs tangent about loving and serving one's husband, but I won't do it.... right now...)


So... did you notice what I noticed? In case you didn't, and because it's my blog, I'll tell you. If I am doing what I'm supposed to do as a godly woman, the wife and mother stuff is kind of taken care of. All my roles in life are really wrapped up completely in one man - Jesus - and if I'm following Him, the rest sort of takes care of itself. So... basically I just spent a week (or more) pondering this verse to come to the conclusion that it's actually self-fulfilling.

Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart... I'm finding that when I delight in the Lord, my heart's desires kind of line up with His. And when I follow His will for my life, those things naturally will come to fruition. Funny how that works, huh?

And I just have to throw out there that the fact that it all fits neatly into a pretty package does not mean it's easy. There are days when it's really hard to delight in the Lord because life gets in the way. There are days when I simply don't want to do what I'm called to. And there are bound to be struggles when it seems like His promises aren't coming true. Being a human in a fallen world pretty much guarantees that. But His plans are perfect and He sees a bigger picture than anyone on earth can see. All I can do is pursue my truest heart's desire, my Jesus, with all that I've got and trust in His grace and mercy to cover my many weaknesses.

Of course, that might still mean I'm waiting a long time on that dutch oven and new Bible that I'm wanting, but since I have Him, my heart's truest desire, I think I can handle the wait.


If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. ~Brendan Francis