It seems like par for the course that I would write one day about how well I was doing at keeping my cool with my son, and then the very next day he would drag me through hell. Gotcha!
It started yesterday morning when I told Logan to get dressed for the day and he came back and said he didn't have any pants in his drawer. Excuse me?! I have been keeping up on the house work. I know good and well that you've got pants in your drawer! After some investigation, I found that instead of putting his clothes away when Eric or I sent him to his room with a stack, he had been shoving them in the back of his closet instead of placing them in the appropriate drawer. So, I told him to take all the clothes out of the back of the closet, get dressed and I would be with him in a moment. I was fuming! I took that moment to send up a quick prayer, asking for God's guidance and an extra dose of that awesome patience he'd been providing. Then I texted Eric to clue him in to what was going on. And I went back to Logan. I told him he would need to finish all his school work, straighten his room, and put the clothes away properly before he'd be allowed TV, Xbox, DS, or computer. (And off topic, why the heck does a six-year-old have these kinds of options available to him in the first place?? Who are his parents?? I'd like to have a word....... oh.... yeah... me.) Anyway...
That was the end of my sanity for the day. The entire day was spent with me telling him what he needed to do and him retorting "I WILL NOT DO WHAT YOU SAY UNTIL YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!!!!" or "YOU WILL GIVE ME WHAT I WANT NOW!!!!! He jumped on my back. He hung on my legs. He punched me. He climbed the doorways like a monkey so I couldn't get through from room to room. This is my life. This is why I need patience. Praise God, I kept my wits about me all day. I never backed down, never raised my hand or voice in anger, never got any of my work done, and never got through to him. Eric came home, talked to him for 5 minutes, gave him three swats on the butt, and Logan started working. Seriously? Seriously?!?! I did everything I was supposed to do! I followed the rules! I went by the book! My responses were Spirit led! Why didn't my actions produce the desired response?!
So... two days after my post saying that I wasn't feeling a whole lot of resistance, I am posting that I am feeling a lot of resistance. I am feeling pretty down, honestly. It's funny how one bad day can make you forget a week of good ones. I was ready by the end of the day to put Logan on a school bus - any school bus - this morning, whether he was registered for school or not. But I can't do that, for obvious reasons, so I have to learn to cope with days like that.
So what does God say about it all? Logan's a fool? That doesn't seem right. He's stupid? I don't think that's the answer either. I have to wait for the results of my discipline? That's probably closer to it. So how do I get through with my sanity somewhat intact until that proverbial "harvest of righteousness"? Patience. The lesson is still patience, and apparently I haven't learned it yet. (Interestingly, the verse that came to mind was Galations 6:9, interesting because Logan and I memorized that one together).
It is very difficult to be "homeward" when the home in question is an unpleasant place to be. I'm doing what I can to improve things. I have cleaned and organized. I have set up routines (and am even trying to follow them!) to make our days run smoothly. But where other people are involved (especially tiny, immature people) things won't always go as planned. I am doing a good job of being an outward picture of patience, but it's not really a part of me yet. Like I said in a previous blog, this is still feeling so unnatural because I'm asking God to change my very character. I guess it's yet another thing that will come together in God's perfect timing. (Funny that I need patience to develop real patience. Seems like kind of a Catch 22). But it makes it kind of hard when I need patience, and I need it now!
Today has, admittedly, been a bit better. School work never got done yesterday. School work never got done today. Bad homeschool mommy, I know. But I just didn't have the mental strength to push the issue, because homeschooling Logan truly is a daily struggle. I am going to sign off now, because I'm in a fairly bad place, and typing this (and likely reading it) is not terribly uplifting. I'm going to turn on my iPod and listen to some praise music and dance around my housework and pray for peace. Lord help me if I have another day like yesterday any time soon.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
1 comment:
There is much I would say. I will refrain. Suffice to say that two "swats on the butt" were in order and maybe more. No child, NO CHILD, should be abusing the parent. And the activity of Logan was abuse. For that he should be without technos for days, not hours. The other little thought I have is that you cannot teach a child to put their clothes away by telling them to do it. It is always best to spend several times "helping" him by showing him how, etc. Then, a child must be checked until they are at least 21 (perhaps longer if they are not in the military). Finally.. school... school is Logan's job. Everyone has one. Letting him off school is showing him how to avoid it. If you weren't up for it, then your hubby should have done it late in to the night if necessary. He's the principal after all and no privileges should be had until the "job is done". More than 2 cents but far less than I'm thinking. :) Keep trying, Heather. One more thing I will tell you though.. no matter what you do, now matter how hard you try you cannot give your children "perfect" childhoods. We are all dysfunctional to some degree and, as such, so are the kids. Ugh.. Sad. But, Jesus is coming soon! :) Much love :)
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