In which I preach it, sister...

I know that I won't be making any friends with this one. I really tried not to write it. I didn't want to write it. I don't want to post it. I even posted other blogs on my Facebook page that had similar sentiments to those I'm about to express. But it wasn't enough. And so, here am I.

The thing is, culture is pushing some things at women lately that I am really not comfortable with. I've had women - even Christian women - telling me that I need to read this book or see that movie. They are described as "wonderful," "a great story," "perfection..." Believe me, I have done a lot of research on them, I have prayed a lot about it, meditated and studied scripture on this topic. And while I haven't read the book or seen the movie - and I won't be doing either - I can say that these things are nowhere close to appropriate for anyone, in my opinion, and certainly not for a woman in love with Jesus.

Where Magic Mike is concerned, this is really nothing more than objectification of men. Women have been crying out against men objectifying women for years and years. Why have we now lowered our own standards to the point that we've reversed things? This is not empowering anyone, and it hurts everyone! Now, I can guarantee that if this were a sexy movie about a female stripper, I would be livid and deeply hurt if my husband were excited about it, tweeting about it, planning a man date to see it, or coming home aroused after seeing it. I don't consider myself a jealous person, but that would certainly cross the line. He is commanded  in scripture to love me as Christ loves the church and as he loves his own body. That type of behavior would not be loving in any way, shape or form. Turning it around, it is true that we women are not exactly commanded to love our husbands. It's actually a little worse... We're commanded - we must- respect them. How much respect can we show to our husbands while we're drooling over a naked, sexy, gyrating man on the big screen? To me, that one is a no-brainer.

My views have been met with a lot more contempt and resistance where 50 Shades of Grey is concerned. It seems that this "story" has wormed it's way into the hearts of millions of women and they are willing to fight - complete with hair-pulling and scratching - for Christian Grey. Christian Grey is apparently an untouchable specimen of perfection whose name should never be profaned. Hmmm... sorry, ladies...

For now, I'll skip over the fact that this book is, at least in part, full-blown (no pun intended) pornography. It has been defended with things like "It's actually a beautiful love story about overcoming a troubled past. They end up married with children at the end." (And actually, I'm wondering if there's a segment of the book that encourages you to respond with those exact sentences anytime someone criticizes the series... Spare me, I've heard it.) I just want to say one thing to that: There are better ways to overcome a troubled past than having violent/sadistic/masochistic sex with someone you aren't married to!

Ok, sometimes - usually - life isn't perfect. I get that. I've experienced it. But how can you say that, in this case, the end justifies the means. All things work together for the good of those who love him. Of course that's true... but the fact that it will work out well in the end is no reason to applaud for those whose means were less than noble. I understand... adultery happens. Divorce happens. Heartache happens. We do what we do not want to do. Sin happens. And the book is just reflecting that ugly reality. But really, it comes down to the implications of this... are we to teach our daughters that, if someone had a bad childhood, it's perfectly okay for them to have violent, experimental sex with that person because it might help them overcome the past and they might end up married with children when it's all said and done? This book seems to have become so real and important to some women that they would share that sentiment. That is completely sickening. Ok, so it's a good story... find a better good story! There are lots of good stories out there that you wouldn't be horrified to have your pre-teen pick up off your shelf. Like I said, maybe it does reflect a certain aspect of reality, but we don't have to dwell on the nastiness of the world. In fact, we're told not to, because it's not good for us. Think on what is good.

Another great defense that I've heard is "my husband was really happy when I finished the book... *wink wink*" Um... sorry, honey. No. Your husband enjoys sex with you and was glad that you instigated it. He'd have been happy to know that you were actually thinking of him and not of Christian Grey. He'd have been happy if you'd spent your time, not watching Magic Mike dance, but dressing up for your husband, dancing for him, writing a sexy email to him, whatever does it for you and him. The point is, of course, he enjoys the sex, but he'd rather have your heart and your respect first. He may never admit it, but I speaks the truth.

At any rate, my real reason for writing this is to say that I read a very sexy, steamy book, too. I've read it over and over and it works wonders for my marriage. Flip to the middle of your Bible... right around there is a little book called Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon, depending on your translation... it has nothing to do with Toni Morrison.) There are a few things there (and elsewhere in the Bible) that I'd like to highlight; things that have really been on my heart for the past few weeks.

To summarize, there are two people in love, married. The woman is a little insecure. The man adores her and lets her know constantly. This enables her to be bold and without shame with him. Their marriage and their marriage bed are healthy, lush, "verdant."  The book is like little snapshots of their relationship. And more importantly, it's God's Word on marriage and marital intimacy.

The most famous verse from this book is 2:4 "His banner over me is love." I want to break that down a little bit. A banner, at that time, was a large military flag flown during battle. It helped the troops to stay unified during the chaos of the fight. For this couple (and remember, this is God's standard!), his love was that banner. In the chaos of the world, amidst the forces that try ot destroy our marriages, a husband's love is like a beacon, unifying them, keeping them oriented in the right direction. Because, you see, his love for his wife should reflect Christ's love for the church. It is a pure love, a bold love, an open love, a serving love... it protects and it perseveres. Always.

In Song of Songs 2:15 the husband tells the wife to catch the little foxes that ruin their vineyard. Their vineyard is in bloom, it's fruitful, it's "verdant" (Song of Songs 1:16... love that word!) The vineyard, in this case, could be their marriage or their literal marriage bed (as it is in 1:16), but either way, there are little "foxes" creeping in, trying to ruin and devour the lush vineyard they've built together. Little problems, little distractions that, if allowed to, will ruin everything. He charges his wife with catching these foxes. He needs her to always be on guard for the little things that can destroy everything.

In Song of Songs 5:9, the wife's friends ask her what's so great about her husband. She, in response, launches into a long description of how amazing, handsome and sexy her husband is. The cool thing about this is that this is not a woman with a really attractive husband speaking. This is God's standard for our marriages! If a friend were to ask "what's so great about your husband?" every wife should be able to answer in a similar way, regardless of what he looks like. He is the one you swore before God to love, honor and obey until death, he is the one you are in covenant with, he is your standard. No one else should look quite as good as he does, because he is the standard by which every other man is judged.

In Song of Songs 8:10, the wife states that she is a wall and her breasts are like towers, which brings contentment to her husband. Wait... what?! Okay, what she means is that she's not easy. She is faithful to him and has no qualms about it. And knowing that he is the only one she'll let down her long hair for brings him contentment. He doesn't have to be jealous or worry because she is solid and faithful.

There are definitely words of wisdom for unmarried women here too. In Song of Songs 8:9, it talks a bit about walls and doors. If you're a wall - solid, faithful, waiting for marriage - like the beloved wife in this book, don't be ashamed of that! Stand firm and proud. Let all the boys know that you're holding out for the real thing and you won't "arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4, among others). Are you a door? Some girls are. I was quite the door myself at one time. Not so strong, looking for love in all the wrong places, jumping in when you should run? Been there, done that. If you are, take precautions. Find someone to be accountable to, allow those who care about you to lovingly protect you (ie "enclose" you "with panels of cedar"). And, for the love of God, don't arouse or awaken love until it so desires!!

Now. Song of Songs is far from being the only thing God has to say on this topic. There are a few other passages I want to address in the New Testament. And just FYI, this is where it got really hard for me. When I prayed "Father, break my heart for what breaks yours," I didn't know it would hurt so much.

Romans 1:24-26 This was written to the church in Rome thousands of years ago, but it is so applicable to our culture! It's all about sex and God is nowhere to be found (by our choice). Created things are worshiped and served. And God "gave them over" to lust, maybe knowing that he wouldn't win their hearts. The second part of v. 26 is where I'd like to bring the focus. Even the women... It's kind of common knowledge that a godless man will easily fall into the lust trap. But women - even godless ones - have a tendency to be a little less open with their bodies, a little more modest. When even the women exchange natural (monogamous, within the context of marriage) relations for unnatural ones, there is a serious problem with your society. I know this little group of verses is often thrown at homosexual people, but that's not necessarily what's going on here (not until the next verse, at least). The "unnatural relations" here could be anything from adultery to promiscuity to pornography... Sound familiar?

2 Timothy 3:6 This is a passage that I'm interpreting a little differently than the norm. So if you think I'm wrong on this, that's fine. Agree to disagree. I have prayed, meditated, studied and sought council on this and I am fully convinced that what I'm about to say is what God said to me about it (even though it's not what He said to the commentators I've read).

Leading up to this verse, Paul gives one of his epic lists of wickedness and says to have nothing to do with those people. Reason being - they will worm their way into homes and gain control over weak willed (or simply "weak" in the ESV, or even "silly" in the KJV) women who are loaded down with sins and swayed by all kinds of evil desires (or "passions" in the ESV). This is a warning to all of us "doors" and former "doors"! Evil can worm it's way in to our homes and devour us. It's not obvious - it worms its way in. We know what's in our past and so does the evil one. He sends all kinds of little foxes in and we must catch them! It might seem like an innocent taste of the "fun" we used to have. Catch it! It might seem like a way to spice things up with our husbands. Catch it! Whatever it is, have nothing to do with it! Stay far, far away!

As hard as it is to admit, we are susceptible to this evil, these foxes. And if we don't wise up and pick up a different Book, they will devour and destroy our vineyards and our souls.

And believe me, I'm not saying these foxes are any kinder to the "walls" among us. They aren't. They devour and destroy without discriminating. But, by the Grace of God, the "walls" aren't "loaded down with sins," so, by the Grace of God, they may be less susceptible.

Either way, I beg you, please catch the foxes! Keep your eyes on the banner in your marriage! Keep your eyes on Jesus in all things! Don't accept whatever culture throws at you, even if it seems pleasant and enjoyable. Test it. If it doesn't pass the test, stay away! No one is saying you can't enjoy yourself. Christ came that we can have abundant life... rejoice in that!! And know that, no matter how cute they are, the foxes don't offer life at all.

“Sexual expression within a marriage is not an option or an extra. It is certainly not, as it has sometimes been considered, a necessary evil in which spiritual Christians engage only to procreate children. It is far more than a physical act. God created it to be the expression and experience of love on the deepest human level and to be a beautiful and powerful bond between husband and wife.” ~John MacArthur 

In which I say "Don't sit down and shut up!"

"If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God!" ~Dwight L. Moody, evangelist


I've been in several discussions lately regarding children's ministry. Anyone who knows me knows that this is where my heart is - I'm a homeschool mom, for goodness sake! but I've really been giving it a lot of thought lately and thought it would be helpful, at least for me, to collect my thoughts on the topic.

As is always the case, it really all comes down to Jesus, so that's a good place to start. There's an account in the gospels of a time when Jesus had children and mothers with babies clamoring to be near him. The disciples were freaked out by it and started to shoo the children away - to shut them up. (And yes, I'm reading a bit into this passage, but this is how I see it and I don't think I'm off base). Jesus called the disciples down and said "let the children come to me". (It's a popular picture in children's Bibles and flannel graph boards... I'm sure you've seen it). Furthermore, Jesus used the children as an example of what we should be! We should come to Him like a child goes to a loving daddy. I honestly can't imagine children wanting to be around a man who told them to sit down and shut up while He preached to their parents. He must have been ministering to them or they wouldn't have wanted to be there. In our churches, we should be ministering to the children like Jesus did, not telling them to sit down and shut up as the disciples were rebuked for doing.

And I know that traditionally in our culture, children have been expected to do just that - sit down and shut up, be seen and not heard. And traditionally, I suppose that worked (if it didn't, we wouldn't still be expecting this of them). But the fact is, our culture has changed! If churches want to stay relevant and reach future generations, we need to change too (within the limits set by scripture, of course). Children have many things in the culture "ministering" to them now that weren't around 100 years ago (or even 20 years ago in some cases). There are sports teams, scouts, video games... the list goes on and on. And if a child has the choice between hanging out with friends and having fun at a little league game or sitting down and shutting up during, what is to them, a boring sermon with boring hymns, guess what they'll choose! And all too often, the parents go right along with them. I'm not saying that's right or wrong; I just calls it like I sees it. (And of course, you'll always have your hardcore church people who will be there, kids in tow, no matter what's going on outside. But are we a museum for good people or a hospital for the broken? We need to reach them! Not please ourselves.)

Aaaand then it gets personal. What would my life have been like if I'd been ministered to as a child? And I don't mean with Sunday school flannel graph (although that's not necessarily bad if used in the right way); I mean really ministered to. If I had been introduced to the loving, fun God that I know now. If I had a youth leader who really spoke to my life, who lovingly and honestly told me why I shouldn't sleep with my boyfriend instead of going on "Marilyn Manson is a bad man" tangents. If I hadn't hated church so much that I snuck away when I could and eventually stopped coming at all. Of course, all the choices I made were my own. But if I'd known better, would I have thought more before making those choices? Maybe, maybe not. But I absolutely don't want to take that chance with the next generation as a whole, or with my own precious children, specifically. I want to (personally and collectively as a church body) do anything and everything I can to spare those children the pain that I went through as a youth/young adult (that I still deal with the ramifications of today), and ultimately the torment of Hell! Will some still make bad choices? Of course! But I'll be damned if I'm going to tell them to sit down and shut up and hope that they come to me or the church when life gets rough. I will love them to the glory of God and minister to them in any way that I can so that when life gets rough, they already know the answers and know that they can trust God, the church, and me to help them through it.

I'm afraid that some people who know me have the idea that I'm for children's ministry to get my own kids out of my hair during church. I won't deny that sometimes that's the case! But at the heart of the matter, it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm honestly not what you'd call a "kid person" but God has really given me a heart for the children in the church (yeah, he equips the called... go figure...) Growing up in our culture is not easy! The church really needs to draw the children near and help them through it for the well being of their souls, their futures and for the next generation of church kids.

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children." ~Nelson Mandela

In which I sing "Ob-la-di Ob-la-da!"

Nine years ago, almost to the day, I bought a brand new car. It was the exact car I'd picked out: a pretty purplish-blue, the exact features and extras I wanted, and it only had 17 miles on it when I drove it off the lot. I was 18 years old and it was the first car I'd ever actually owned. I loved it and planned to drive it until it died. I even made sure to get a 4-door vehicle so that when, in the extremely distant (I thought) future when I had kids, I could still keep driving my pretty car.

Last Friday, I sold it.

It's kind of sad for me, really. I have a lot of awesome memories of that car. It took Eric and I on lots of trips to the beach and King's Dominion. It took me to work every day for years: sometimes right in town, sometimes an hour or more away. It brought my first precious baby home from the hospital. It's taken my family members to countless doctor's appointments, fun days, activities, etc... It's taken my husband and I on vacations to Florida and New Orleans; it took us on our Honeymoon! It's taken us Christmas and birthday shopping. It even took us on one memorable camping trip on a rocky road that was really only fit for a Jeep; it got a little battered and a lot splattered with mud on that trip. It's taken us to bars and to churches and everywhere in between. It's been carelessly junked up and lovingly cleaned. It got a new transmission when it was only two years old and once the entire exhaust system fell off in the parking lot, but all in all it's been a faithful traveling companion. I called it (her) Suzanne.

So, you may be wondering why, after all the miles and memories, are we making a change? Well, we're having another baby, and, as a dear friend of mine put it, "unless you have a 10-inch-wide ass [or 10-inch-wide car seat, as the case may be], another person's not fitting in there!"

And it took me a few days and one last cruise up the interstate with Suzanne, but I've made my peace with that. Suzanne was the car of a free spirit, but the fact that she isn't mine anymore doesn't change all those awesome memories nor does it change who I am.

But I must say I never, ever, ever saw myself driving a mini-van. That's right... I said mini-van. I am officially a Cub Scout hauling, play date carpooling, homeschool field-tripping, soccer mom with a soccer ball shaped belly. (Technically minus the actual soccer... we're doing Cub Scouts and karate at the moment... no soccer). That's just not what I envisioned of myself, you know?

When I bought Suzanne nine years ago, I planned to get married around age 24, have 2 kids MAX before age 30, put them both in daycare and then public school, work a day job... the normal life of an average American woman. Nothing at all wrong with that! I did live that life for quite a while after my son was born (I was 20 by the way... the best laid schemes of mice and men....). I loved my son, but I didn't want to be one of those women who gives up everything just to breed. But I found that normal life of an average American woman to be really deeply dull and unsatisfying for me.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit just comes along and smacks you in the face. And about 3.5 years ago, I met Jesus and He pretty much did just that. I met Him and fell in love with Him. I fell back in love with my husband. And as far as parenting and life, I learned two really important lessons: 1) Being a "free spirit" sometimes means going against the norm - not just the social norm; that's a given - but also the normal you've defined for yourself; and 2) a parent sometimes gives up every aspect of themselves for the good of their children.

I first noticed a parent sacrificing something huge for a child when I was pregnant with my oldest child. (I say I first noticed it because I KNOW that I witnessed examples of this many times before, many from my own mother, but as a child, I just didn't take note of these things). Anyhoo... the parent I first noticed making such a huge sacrifice was my son's father, the man who would become my husband, Eric. It was years before we were Christians - we were just stumbling along hoping to do the right things (whereas now we're still stumbling along, but we have a pretty awesome guide!). Just weeks before our son was due, Eric was offered a position with a fairly big-name regional band. the band went on to become the backing band for an extremely big-name rock star. The position he was offered was his literal dream-come-true - a dream he'd had since he was 12 years old. But he was about to become a daddy. And the position with the band meant a lot of traveling, a lot of missing out, and not a lot of being home. He turned it down and chose father-hood. I should have envisioned the mini-van then.

Since then, I've seen many examples of this, but one really tops them all. (You know me... you should have known where this was headed...). God, our heavenly father, chose to give up that part of Himself. He came to earth as a poor, helpless baby (not even a baby born in a nice birth center in a jacuzzi... he was born in a barn!). He was completely dependent on His parents. He grew up, had to go to school, learn a trade, work hard. I'm sure He got sick and He got tired and things annoyed Him. Then He started His ministry and people followed him everywhere and people said bad things about Him and even His friends didn't treat Him particularly well. And then He was betrayed by a friend, arrested, tortured and murdered. And the whole time, He was God.

He never stopped being God. But He sacrificed everything for the good of His children. In light of all that, being a stay-at-home, mini-driving mommy seems like a pretty miniscule sacrifice, even for a free spirit.

And really, when you think about it, Jesus was the ultimate free spirit. He always went against the norm. He loved those whom society hated, He put down people that society looked up to. He broke all sorts of social rules. He never, ever backed down or strayed from the Plan. Even when the things He had to do were things He really didn't want to do, He didn't quit or run away. He did what He planned to do no matter what.

That is my Jesus, the ultimate free spirit, the perfect parent. That is the man I follow. So if that means in my little life at this little moment, I have to drive a big fat mommy-van to the glory of God... Praise Him! I will do it!

The children and life that He has given to me is so much more important than the image of my self that I've designed in my own head. I sometimes (okay, often) need a little nudge to remember what and who is really important in life. Thanks be to God, I now have a large white reminder parked in my driveway. At least, it's parked there for now, until the next Cub Scout meeting. And I'll be happy to drive it there and anywhere else that He takes my growing family to make new memories in our new vehicle.


And... just as a side note, I thought I'd share this little anecdote...

The night after we got our mini-van, I had to make a 10pm grocery store run for milk and bread. The closest grocery store to us is in an area mainly populated by college students, and this happened to be a Friday night before a big home football game for the local college. So I got in line with my milk, bread, cloth shopping bags, and huge pregnant belly behind a lot of kids buying beer and Coke, juice and other mixers. (And yes, I know it sounds like I'm stereotyping them, but literally that's the kind of stuff that everyone I was behind was purchasing!) After I paid, I was walking out to my car at the same time as a good number of those kids, and it occurred to me.... "They know I'm getting into that mini-van..." I've never felt more conspicuous in my life! I just knew that they knew that I had to be the one getting into that mini-van and driving it home...

So I did.

In a couple of years they have built a home-sweet-home... with a couple of kids running in the yard of Desmond and Molly Jones...." ~The Beatles

In which I am not of the world... or... am I?

I was recently involved in a discussion about how we, as Christians, are to be different from the world and about what makes us different. The conversation was actually very brief, but it left me mulling the question over for hours afterward. How am I different from the world? I'm sure that every Christian has some ideas in their head about what makes them different and about what should make Christians different. I know that I do.

But the more I thought about it, the more the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. It's true that scripture predicts that we will be different from the world and unloved by it. I will certainly not dispute that in any way! But I feel like thinking about it in this light brings up a much darker heart problem for me: pride.

When first asked "how are you different from the world?" I immediately thought of some things: I'm a homeschool mom training up my children, I'm a stay at home mom, Titus 2 wife, I'm being fruitful and multiplying to the glory of God... All pretty awesome, unworldly stuff, right?

Well....

Not exactly. See, the fact is, when I list things like that, what I'm really doing is lifting myself up. In comparing me to the world, I'm making me look great in my eyes. I'm basically putting on my Pharisee hat and tithing out of my spice rack. Lord, pull me out of this pride and religion!

The purpose of scripture is not to build us up. Scripture should instruct us, yes, but we should hear and apply that instruction to our lives to the glory of God. Not to the glory of self. In asking "how am I different from the world?" I am focusing on entirely the wrong place!

It's not about homeschooling, housework, drinking, smoking, or any other thing that we can do or not do to be "not of the world". Christ died for us. So we are not under the law; in Christ all things are lawful (but of course, not all are beneficial), so we have no business looking down on brothers and sisters for the things they do if they are following Christ when they do them (of course, I could go into a whole discussion about accountability, church discipline, and being holy as God is holy here, and those are completely valid points. But kind of off topic here, so I'll try to move on for now and come back to that another day). At any rate, being legalistic about what a Christian can or can't do is not helpful for anyone. It might make me feel good, it might make someone rethink their actions, but who is receiving the glory there? Definitely not the One who deserves it! Also, it's really likely that that little quest for self-glory will completely backfire, destroy the relationship (or the potential for one), and bring glory to no one. Especially not the One who deserves it.

Additionally, we can't go around expecting non-believers to look or act like believers - we used to be like them and, outside of grace, we would still be right there. So we can't really look down on them either. In both cases, it's got to be about love and grace, not legalism and judgment.

There is one person that we can and should judge though: ourselves. However, the world can't be our standard here. When we think of being "not of the world," we need to think about who we do belong to. We can't compare ourselves to something we're not a part of - a good lesson for Christians and middle school girls alike - we have to compare ourselves to the One who gave us this new life that we are a part of!

So.... I'm a homeschooling, Titus 2 believing woman who tries to live by faith. Jesus is God, my savior, my creator, love personified, abounding in grace. Am I righteous? Am I awesome? Absolutely not. Abso-freaking-lutely. Not.

We are not of the world, true. But it's not because of anything we've done to make ourselves holy and righteous. In the eyes of a Holy God, we can't be holy and righteous on our own! The reason we're not of this world is because our own perfect Superman swooped in, pulled us out of the pits of Hell, and gave us a new heart, a new nature, a new name and a new home. He did the work. He's the one we look up to. He's the Father we aspire to be like in every way.

I guess my whole point here is that I do want my life to look like that, like someone living in the world yet not of it. But the only way I can do that is by following Jesus and, comparing myself to Him only, doing all I can to show the world what kind of awesome work He can do!

He has been infinitely graceful to me when I fall short of His standards (which is usually). So I need to show everyone around me that same grace when they fall short. He loves me when I act completely unlovable. He takes care of me even when it's my own damn fault that I need help in the first place. Following His example is the only way to live both in and apart from the world.

To quote Pastor Mark, "It's all about Jesus; it's always about Jesus; it's only about Jesus!" As a Christian, that is my standard of living. Will I ever live up to that? Well... not in this life. But I'll certainly never get any closer if I'm taking measurements with the wrong ruler!


I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else. ~Marilyn Monroe

In which I am a poor and defensive momma bear

Recently I was told by a well-meaning loved one that if "someone" (meaning me) couldn't afford to have children, they (meaning me) need to stop having them. I took this kind of hard because, among other reasons, I am already quite obviously expecting another child (which is apparently being viewed as a sheer burden and mistake by this loved one) and because I personally would love to have at least one more in the future. I love my children and take good care of them. I consider them blessings. And I take seriously God's command to be fruitful. To be honest, I really felt that this person was out of line! When my husband and I, taking guidance from God, decide that "enough is enough," we will certainly not be having any more children. Until then, we're happy to welcome all the miracles that He blesses us with.

The thing is, there are a lot - and I mean a lot - of reasons, biblically speaking, to have children. But I have not been able to find any reasons not to. Sure, the world can come up with plenty of reasons... but we, as Christians, are not to conform to the world. So what's the deal? Why are well-meaning, Godly people encouraging us to make our decisions for worldly reasons?

First off, I can only imagine that this was spoken to me out of love. Misguided, yes. But loving, nonetheless. It is difficult to watch those whom you love struggle. And we sure do struggle! I was told once by a very dear friend that God has given my family the "gift of poverty." That really stuck in my mind because it's a very weird and profound thing to say. But the more I've thought about it, the more truth I see in it. Would life be easier if we had more money? Yes, of course it would! But there are a lot of blessing that come out of being poor (and obviously since I'm on the internet, I mean "poor" by American standards only).

(Here, I started to make a list of reasons that I feel blessed in our poverty, but it kind of took over the entire blog. Apparently that is one to write sometime, but in the interest of staying on topic, let it suffice to say that the way we live has many positive aspects.)

And if we had money, I'm sure that we would be able to see blessings that we can't see in our current situation. Jesus enables us to have abundant life no matter what our circumstances, and I'm so thankful for that. The way we live is not to be scorned or pitied. We are happy, we are blessed, and we love the Lord. What could be more important than that??

I would never, ever base the size of our family on our finances. "If it's God's will, it's God's bill" and He always takes care of His bills. Why should I reject a blessing because I don't think it will work? Who am I? God is in the business of accomplishing the impossible and I have full faith that He will continue to do the impossible in our budget and in our lives. Money will come and go, and that's fine, but our children will always be blessings from the Lord.

So basically, as I see it, the primary reason for a Christian person to advise a Christian family to stop having children and raising up more Christians to fill the earth simply because of their finances, is fear. The reason is fear! Even if love or concern seems to be a motivator on the surface, fear is the bottom line. Fear of taking a step out in faith - or of watching us do so! But fear is not of God. If we're afraid, it means we don't trust Him, and that's definitely not cool. And honestly, our step of faith is really nothing to fear, because it is practically nothing at all compared to so many, many others. To paraphrase Francis Chan, think about our story in light of the book of Acts: thousands were converted, the Gospel was being boldly preached to the nations, people were performing miracles in Jesus' name, men were martyred for their faith, and the Comer's had a baby that just wasn't in their single-income budget...

Really?? This act of faith and obedience is just nothing. I do hope and pray that our lives can be a good witness and example for others in our situation. And I pray that our lives glorify God, whatever else we may do. But please don't act like what we're doing is crazy or extreme. And please don't think that my life is some haphazard series of financially stupid mistakes. God sees the biggest picture and He is in control. He doesn't make mistakes. And He will always take care of my husband and I and however many children He chooses to bless us with.

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" ~Joshua 24:15

In which I am granted my heart's desire

I started a little personal Bible study last week that I found on a Titus 2 woman website. The theme of the whole thing is "Makeover of the Heart," which I found to be a rather helpful topic as it relates to My One Word. So I read through the first lesson, checked out the scriptures referenced, and, being me, I got completely hung up on the first question. So for the past week or so, I have been pondering the answer, and, although they only allowed about three lines in which to write my answer, I'm going to go ahead and fill a blog with it.

The scripture referenced in this particular question is Psalm 37:4 and the question is "What are the desires of your heart?" I guess I first had to define what that even means. I mean, there are a lot of things I desire... a cast iron dutch oven, a good kitchen timer, a few extra hours in my day... those would all be nice. I can even throw a Godly answer in there! My Bible is in tatters (particularly the New Testament half) and I'd love to have a new one. But... I don't think those things exactly qualify as my heart's desire, do they?

No... this is something deeper. Significantly deeper. I had to dig right to my heart to figure this one out. And that's honestly not the easiest thing to do! My mind is constantly going. I think about mundane things like my weekly to-do list. I think about scriptures I've read, sermons I've heard, people I know, blogs I want to write. I think about bizarre things like if I don't make it to the hospital in time, do I deliver the placenta myself too, or just let the baby sort of dangle there until I get to the hospital (which is especially ridiculous if you know where I live in relation to the hospital). At any rate, my mind is always working, but it's very rarely working on anything especially deep. So this was something of a challenge.

But after lots of prayer and heart-searching (the study said to "take a few minutes" for this. I think by "minutes" they meant "days", or perhaps "weeks") I think I have been able to figure this thing out to a certain degree.


The first thing that came to mind when talking about matters of the heart was my children. I'm a stay-at-home mother of (almost) three, a homeschool mom, I recently became a Cub Scout mom, I'm a cloth diapering and breastfeeding mom, and... you get the idea. Motherhood is one of the primary ways I identify myself. So I started out thinking "What is my hearts desire for my children?"

I devote a lot of time and energy to those little people. I want them to be self-sufficient, clean, well-read, and well-educated. I want them to be able to think for themselves and to feel free to ask questions. And I spend a lot of time teaching them these things (particularly Logan... have you ever tried to teach a 36 week old fetus anything?) But when it comes right down to the heart of it, I would rather them be illiterate, living in my basement forever and needing me to do their laundry for life than I would for them to not know and love Jesus.

I know that's kind of a cliche churchy answer, sort of like saying "we just want a healthy baby" when an expectant parent is asked if they're hoping for a boy or girl, but to be honest, sometimes there is a reason for the cliche... it's true!!! Do I want my children to have successful and happy lives? Of course. But even more than that, I want them to feel the joy and freedom that I feel and I want them to feel those things with Jesus for eternity!


The second thing that I thought of was my marriage. Just running through the stereotypical housewife's checklist here, I guess. I am a wife, and that's another of the ways that I identify myself. Simply put, my heart's desire here is that my husband will delight in me, and I in him, until death parts us. I desire that we will love and serve each other just like we vowed to do and that we will never break our marriage covenant. Sure, I'd like us to have lots of money, a bigger house, a maid... but honestly, I signed on for "richer or poorer" and I'm perfectly content with "poorer" if it means I have my Godly man leading me and loving me for life. I desire that we would work through everything that should come our way and have the kind of marriage that God wants us to have.


Finally, I've found that the only other thing that is really and truly there in my heart of hearts is Jesus. And I mention Him last, not because He is least, but because He's the beginning and the end, and this is kind of where my heart-searching journey stopped. My desire, in Christ, is to be a Godly woman. Period. So... what exactly does that mean??

Well... The bible has quite a lot to say about women (despite common misconceptions). One of the first places that a woman seeking to be Godly is generally directed is to Proverbs 31. Let me unpack that one a little to begin with. Firstly, P31 is of noble character, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. I have to mention that I definitely think of P31 as quite the wealthy broad, but that is not really what defines her and it's not what the scripture is referring to when it says that her husband lacks nothing. That is referring back to her noble character. A description of said character follows. Basically, she is a hard worker and isn't idle (ie she doesn't Facebook and watch TV all day). She is charitable. She manages her household well (she has a shiny sink!). She is wise and gives sound instruction. And she loves God. Because of these things her children and husband adore her and sing her praises. Big shoes to fill, no?

Ruth is another woman to look to in the Bible. She was devoted, a hard worker, a good wife and a good daughter. She's described as someone having noble character, so I would say that she completely exemplified what is described in Proverbs 31. And she's kind of my sort of woman, because she was not monetarily wealthy, but she was wealthy in spirit and character, which is far more important.

I'm actually going to stop after giving one more example, not because there aren't anymore, but because if I don't stop somewhere, I'll never stop! And you didn't think I was really going to go through this whole thing without mentioning my favorite verses did you? Here is talks about older and younger women as having separate, but connected, duties. Older women should live reverently, not gossip or drink too much, and teach younger women about the good life. The younger women should follow those teachings and love their husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, be busy at home, kind, and subject to their husbands.

Those are three examples, but there are actually a lot of these scriptures (Proverbs is chock-full of them, and Paul has a good bit to say about women too), but they all say sort of the same things, really. 1)Women are important members of the household. 2) Women are to love God. 3) They are to work hard managing their homes, taking care of and loving their children, and loving and serving their husbands (and just FYI, I could go on a whole Song of Songs tangent about loving and serving one's husband, but I won't do it.... right now...)


So... did you notice what I noticed? In case you didn't, and because it's my blog, I'll tell you. If I am doing what I'm supposed to do as a godly woman, the wife and mother stuff is kind of taken care of. All my roles in life are really wrapped up completely in one man - Jesus - and if I'm following Him, the rest sort of takes care of itself. So... basically I just spent a week (or more) pondering this verse to come to the conclusion that it's actually self-fulfilling.

Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart... I'm finding that when I delight in the Lord, my heart's desires kind of line up with His. And when I follow His will for my life, those things naturally will come to fruition. Funny how that works, huh?

And I just have to throw out there that the fact that it all fits neatly into a pretty package does not mean it's easy. There are days when it's really hard to delight in the Lord because life gets in the way. There are days when I simply don't want to do what I'm called to. And there are bound to be struggles when it seems like His promises aren't coming true. Being a human in a fallen world pretty much guarantees that. But His plans are perfect and He sees a bigger picture than anyone on earth can see. All I can do is pursue my truest heart's desire, my Jesus, with all that I've got and trust in His grace and mercy to cover my many weaknesses.

Of course, that might still mean I'm waiting a long time on that dutch oven and new Bible that I'm wanting, but since I have Him, my heart's truest desire, I think I can handle the wait.


If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. ~Brendan Francis

In which I speak softly and drop the stick

Okay, so perhaps I haven't dropped the stick yet. But I'm working on it.

This past week, while scouring the interwebs for all manner of knowledge, I came across a site called At the Well, which is a site ministering to Titus 2 women. Right up my alley!! I was really happy to find this site, as I feel like most women's ministries I come across (usually ministering to Proverbs 31 women) just don't have the same New Testament flavor that Titus 2 projects. That probably makes very little sense to anyone other than me, but just roll with it, please. It really doesn't have to make sense for me to act on it. :-) So anyhoo, I found that At the Well does weekly challenges. They post new challenges each Monday. Since I just found the site on Thursday, I looked at the challenge, made a half-hearted (at best) stab at it and determined that I would actually start the challenges this week.

So this morning, after Eric headed off to work, I did my scripture reading for the day, which started off with the Israelite people grumbling in the desert for 5 chapters. And that seems so cut and dry, doesn't it? Because we all know the story oh-so-well, of how God delivered them and they kept complaining. So God fed them, and they kept complaining. And God gave them fresh water, and they kept complaining. So God paid them more attention, and they kept complaining. And then they built an idol. And I know for me, I read it and think about what idiots they were and why didn't they appreciate the wonderfully close relationship they had with God? And then I realize... oh. Same reason I do all the exact same stuff, I guess.

Then my readings concluded with a little talk about love.

Let me back up a little and mention that I have really been struggling with the fruits of the spirit lately. I feel like I don't exude those fruits the way a Christian woman ought to and I have been praying about it a lot. I don't like being the mom who yells at her kids instead of rebuking them in love when they need it. I don't like being the woman who complains about the housework instead of doing it to bless my family and glorify God. I don't like being the woman who sits around being lazy half the day instead of getting up and using my God-given talents and abilities. But that, my friends, is the woman I've become. Not fruitful, not loving, not even particularly Christian in attitude and deed. So I've been praying hard about it. I'm a lot like an Ent in that way and couldn't just hastily decide to do better. I had to think it through, pray about it, figure out why I had slid backward into chaos, and then, perhaps, make a change. But let it be known that prayer and thought without action, in a case like this, is not terribly fruitful. So being unfruitful, certainly did not help my unfruitfulness in any way.

Lo and behold, when I read my Bible this morning and then read through the little devotion that went along with the love verse I read, I was a bundle of conviction! I have not been loving at all! The devotion offered up a challenge to not only feel love for those around us (it actually was directed at married couples, but certainly the advice can be applied to all around me, not just my spouse), but to act loving toward them. According to dc Talk, love is a verb, so just feeling it is not enough. So I was challenged to find ways to exemplify God's love to my family. That's not terribly easy, to be honest, but it is a definite answer to prayer and I am up for the challenge. I started to feel God pushing me toward action, and that is definitely not a bad thing.

Then it occurred to me that the new At the Well challenge should be posted today, so I headed over there to check it out. And what should I see there but that my challenge for the week is to speak softly and use my words wisely. I am challenged to not stir up anger in those around me, which I tend to particularly do to my little Logan, who is so much like me that we drive each other insane most days. Speaking softly when I am annoyed is going to be a very. difficult. challenge. But again, I am up for it! I need to do this!!

So after all of my prayers with no action behind them, God clearly decided to push me into it. What I've been asking for is something He had already equipped me with and my asking for it was just redundant and sinful at best. Why should I continually be pleading to God for something that He's already given me? Well, the answer is pretty clear... so that I don't have to do the right thing. I'm justifying my decidedly un-Christ-like actions and attitudes by simply saying "I'm praying about it" and letting it go. That is NOT what God has called me to! Without fruit, without action, what am I? Why would I imagine that I can get by without following Him?

Today is the day that all that stops (again). I've started fresh may times before, and I'll probably have to do it many more times. The positive thing is that God is always there forgiving me, helping me, guiding me, forgiving me... He wants me to succeed and when I'm getting close to rock bottom, He gives me a little push in the right direction. Sometimes those pushes aren't so gentle either, but I am always grateful for them. And the coolest part is that the next time I hit rock bottom, I'll find (as I have done in my many previous rock bottom moments) that rock bottom is just a little higher than it was the last time I hit it. It's a little easier to be pulled out (because I sure as heck can't climb out myself). So despite the fact that I feel like the miserable failure that I am, I can still see that God is working on me. And that knowledge is really all I need to move forward.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." ~Psalm 51:12