I was recently involved in a discussion about how we, as Christians, are to be different from the world and about what makes us different. The conversation was actually very brief, but it left me mulling the question over for hours afterward. How am I different from the world? I'm sure that every Christian has some ideas in their head about what makes them different and about what should make Christians different. I know that I do.
But the more I thought about it, the more the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. It's true that scripture predicts that we will be different from the world and unloved by it. I will certainly not dispute that in any way! But I feel like thinking about it in this light brings up a much darker heart problem for me: pride.
When first asked "how are you different from the world?" I immediately thought of some things: I'm a homeschool mom training up my children, I'm a stay at home mom, Titus 2 wife, I'm being fruitful and multiplying to the glory of God... All pretty awesome, unworldly stuff, right?
Well....
Not exactly. See, the fact is, when I list things like that, what I'm really doing is lifting myself up. In comparing me to the world, I'm making me look great in my eyes. I'm basically putting on my Pharisee hat and tithing out of my spice rack. Lord, pull me out of this pride and religion!
The purpose of scripture is not to build us up. Scripture should instruct us, yes, but we should hear and apply that instruction to our lives to the glory of God. Not to the glory of self. In asking "how am I different from the world?" I am focusing on entirely the wrong place!
It's not about homeschooling, housework, drinking, smoking, or any other thing that we can do or not do to be "not of the world". Christ died for us. So we are not under the law; in Christ all things are lawful (but of course, not all are beneficial), so we have no business looking down on brothers and sisters for the things they do if they are following Christ when they do them (of course, I could go into a whole discussion about accountability, church discipline, and being holy as God is holy here, and those are completely valid points. But kind of off topic here, so I'll try to move on for now and come back to that another day). At any rate, being legalistic about what a Christian can or can't do is not helpful for anyone. It might make me feel good, it might make someone rethink their actions, but who is receiving the glory there? Definitely not the One who deserves it! Also, it's really likely that that little quest for self-glory will completely backfire, destroy the relationship (or the potential for one), and bring glory to no one. Especially not the One who deserves it.
Additionally, we can't go around expecting non-believers to look or act like believers - we used to be like them and, outside of grace, we would still be right there. So we can't really look down on them either. In both cases, it's got to be about love and grace, not legalism and judgment.
There is one person that we can and should judge though: ourselves. However, the world can't be our standard here. When we think of being "not of the world," we need to think about who we do belong to. We can't compare ourselves to something we're not a part of - a good lesson for Christians and middle school girls alike - we have to compare ourselves to the One who gave us this new life that we are a part of!
So.... I'm a homeschooling, Titus 2 believing woman who tries to live by faith. Jesus is God, my savior, my creator, love personified, abounding in grace. Am I righteous? Am I awesome? Absolutely not. Abso-freaking-lutely. Not.
We are not of the world, true. But it's not because of anything we've done to make ourselves holy and righteous. In the eyes of a Holy God, we can't be holy and righteous on our own! The reason we're not of this world is because our own perfect Superman swooped in, pulled us out of the pits of Hell, and gave us a new heart, a new nature, a new name and a new home. He did the work. He's the one we look up to. He's the Father we aspire to be like in every way.
I guess my whole point here is that I do want my life to look like that, like someone living in the world yet not of it. But the only way I can do that is by following Jesus and, comparing myself to Him only, doing all I can to show the world what kind of awesome work He can do!
He has been infinitely graceful to me when I fall short of His standards (which is usually). So I need to show everyone around me that same grace when they fall short. He loves me when I act completely unlovable. He takes care of me even when it's my own damn fault that I need help in the first place. Following His example is the only way to live both in and apart from the world.
To quote Pastor Mark, "It's all about Jesus; it's always about Jesus; it's only about Jesus!" As a Christian, that is my standard of living. Will I ever live up to that? Well... not in this life. But I'll certainly never get any closer if I'm taking measurements with the wrong ruler!
I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else. ~Marilyn Monroe
Monday, October 10, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
In which I am a poor and defensive momma bear
Recently I was told by a well-meaning loved one that if "someone" (meaning me) couldn't afford to have children, they (meaning me) need to stop having them. I took this kind of hard because, among other reasons, I am already quite obviously expecting another child (which is apparently being viewed as a sheer burden and mistake by this loved one) and because I personally would love to have at least one more in the future. I love my children and take good care of them. I consider them blessings. And I take seriously God's command to be fruitful. To be honest, I really felt that this person was out of line! When my husband and I, taking guidance from God, decide that "enough is enough," we will certainly not be having any more children. Until then, we're happy to welcome all the miracles that He blesses us with.
The thing is, there are a lot - and I mean a lot - of reasons, biblically speaking, to have children. But I have not been able to find any reasons not to. Sure, the world can come up with plenty of reasons... but we, as Christians, are not to conform to the world. So what's the deal? Why are well-meaning, Godly people encouraging us to make our decisions for worldly reasons?
First off, I can only imagine that this was spoken to me out of love. Misguided, yes. But loving, nonetheless. It is difficult to watch those whom you love struggle. And we sure do struggle! I was told once by a very dear friend that God has given my family the "gift of poverty." That really stuck in my mind because it's a very weird and profound thing to say. But the more I've thought about it, the more truth I see in it. Would life be easier if we had more money? Yes, of course it would! But there are a lot of blessing that come out of being poor (and obviously since I'm on the internet, I mean "poor" by American standards only).
(Here, I started to make a list of reasons that I feel blessed in our poverty, but it kind of took over the entire blog. Apparently that is one to write sometime, but in the interest of staying on topic, let it suffice to say that the way we live has many positive aspects.)
And if we had money, I'm sure that we would be able to see blessings that we can't see in our current situation. Jesus enables us to have abundant life no matter what our circumstances, and I'm so thankful for that. The way we live is not to be scorned or pitied. We are happy, we are blessed, and we love the Lord. What could be more important than that??
I would never, ever base the size of our family on our finances. "If it's God's will, it's God's bill" and He always takes care of His bills. Why should I reject a blessing because I don't think it will work? Who am I? God is in the business of accomplishing the impossible and I have full faith that He will continue to do the impossible in our budget and in our lives. Money will come and go, and that's fine, but our children will always be blessings from the Lord.
So basically, as I see it, the primary reason for a Christian person to advise a Christian family to stop having children and raising up more Christians to fill the earth simply because of their finances, is fear. The reason is fear! Even if love or concern seems to be a motivator on the surface, fear is the bottom line. Fear of taking a step out in faith - or of watching us do so! But fear is not of God. If we're afraid, it means we don't trust Him, and that's definitely not cool. And honestly, our step of faith is really nothing to fear, because it is practically nothing at all compared to so many, many others. To paraphrase Francis Chan, think about our story in light of the book of Acts: thousands were converted, the Gospel was being boldly preached to the nations, people were performing miracles in Jesus' name, men were martyred for their faith, and the Comer's had a baby that just wasn't in their single-income budget...
Really?? This act of faith and obedience is just nothing. I do hope and pray that our lives can be a good witness and example for others in our situation. And I pray that our lives glorify God, whatever else we may do. But please don't act like what we're doing is crazy or extreme. And please don't think that my life is some haphazard series of financially stupid mistakes. God sees the biggest picture and He is in control. He doesn't make mistakes. And He will always take care of my husband and I and however many children He chooses to bless us with.
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" ~Joshua 24:15
The thing is, there are a lot - and I mean a lot - of reasons, biblically speaking, to have children. But I have not been able to find any reasons not to. Sure, the world can come up with plenty of reasons... but we, as Christians, are not to conform to the world. So what's the deal? Why are well-meaning, Godly people encouraging us to make our decisions for worldly reasons?
First off, I can only imagine that this was spoken to me out of love. Misguided, yes. But loving, nonetheless. It is difficult to watch those whom you love struggle. And we sure do struggle! I was told once by a very dear friend that God has given my family the "gift of poverty." That really stuck in my mind because it's a very weird and profound thing to say. But the more I've thought about it, the more truth I see in it. Would life be easier if we had more money? Yes, of course it would! But there are a lot of blessing that come out of being poor (and obviously since I'm on the internet, I mean "poor" by American standards only).
(Here, I started to make a list of reasons that I feel blessed in our poverty, but it kind of took over the entire blog. Apparently that is one to write sometime, but in the interest of staying on topic, let it suffice to say that the way we live has many positive aspects.)
And if we had money, I'm sure that we would be able to see blessings that we can't see in our current situation. Jesus enables us to have abundant life no matter what our circumstances, and I'm so thankful for that. The way we live is not to be scorned or pitied. We are happy, we are blessed, and we love the Lord. What could be more important than that??
I would never, ever base the size of our family on our finances. "If it's God's will, it's God's bill" and He always takes care of His bills. Why should I reject a blessing because I don't think it will work? Who am I? God is in the business of accomplishing the impossible and I have full faith that He will continue to do the impossible in our budget and in our lives. Money will come and go, and that's fine, but our children will always be blessings from the Lord.
So basically, as I see it, the primary reason for a Christian person to advise a Christian family to stop having children and raising up more Christians to fill the earth simply because of their finances, is fear. The reason is fear! Even if love or concern seems to be a motivator on the surface, fear is the bottom line. Fear of taking a step out in faith - or of watching us do so! But fear is not of God. If we're afraid, it means we don't trust Him, and that's definitely not cool. And honestly, our step of faith is really nothing to fear, because it is practically nothing at all compared to so many, many others. To paraphrase Francis Chan, think about our story in light of the book of Acts: thousands were converted, the Gospel was being boldly preached to the nations, people were performing miracles in Jesus' name, men were martyred for their faith, and the Comer's had a baby that just wasn't in their single-income budget...
Really?? This act of faith and obedience is just nothing. I do hope and pray that our lives can be a good witness and example for others in our situation. And I pray that our lives glorify God, whatever else we may do. But please don't act like what we're doing is crazy or extreme. And please don't think that my life is some haphazard series of financially stupid mistakes. God sees the biggest picture and He is in control. He doesn't make mistakes. And He will always take care of my husband and I and however many children He chooses to bless us with.
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" ~Joshua 24:15
Thursday, September 22, 2011
In which I am granted my heart's desire
I started a little personal Bible study last week that I found on a Titus 2 woman website. The theme of the whole thing is "Makeover of the Heart," which I found to be a rather helpful topic as it relates to My One Word. So I read through the first lesson, checked out the scriptures referenced, and, being me, I got completely hung up on the first question. So for the past week or so, I have been pondering the answer, and, although they only allowed about three lines in which to write my answer, I'm going to go ahead and fill a blog with it.
The scripture referenced in this particular question is Psalm 37:4 and the question is "What are the desires of your heart?" I guess I first had to define what that even means. I mean, there are a lot of things I desire... a cast iron dutch oven, a good kitchen timer, a few extra hours in my day... those would all be nice. I can even throw a Godly answer in there! My Bible is in tatters (particularly the New Testament half) and I'd love to have a new one. But... I don't think those things exactly qualify as my heart's desire, do they?
No... this is something deeper. Significantly deeper. I had to dig right to my heart to figure this one out. And that's honestly not the easiest thing to do! My mind is constantly going. I think about mundane things like my weekly to-do list. I think about scriptures I've read, sermons I've heard, people I know, blogs I want to write. I think about bizarre things like if I don't make it to the hospital in time, do I deliver the placenta myself too, or just let the baby sort of dangle there until I get to the hospital (which is especially ridiculous if you know where I live in relation to the hospital). At any rate, my mind is always working, but it's very rarely working on anything especially deep. So this was something of a challenge.
But after lots of prayer and heart-searching (the study said to "take a few minutes" for this. I think by "minutes" they meant "days", or perhaps "weeks") I think I have been able to figure this thing out to a certain degree.
The first thing that came to mind when talking about matters of the heart was my children. I'm a stay-at-home mother of (almost) three, a homeschool mom, I recently became a Cub Scout mom, I'm a cloth diapering and breastfeeding mom, and... you get the idea. Motherhood is one of the primary ways I identify myself. So I started out thinking "What is my hearts desire for my children?"
I devote a lot of time and energy to those little people. I want them to be self-sufficient, clean, well-read, and well-educated. I want them to be able to think for themselves and to feel free to ask questions. And I spend a lot of time teaching them these things (particularly Logan... have you ever tried to teach a 36 week old fetus anything?) But when it comes right down to the heart of it, I would rather them be illiterate, living in my basement forever and needing me to do their laundry for life than I would for them to not know and love Jesus.
I know that's kind of a cliche churchy answer, sort of like saying "we just want a healthy baby" when an expectant parent is asked if they're hoping for a boy or girl, but to be honest, sometimes there is a reason for the cliche... it's true!!! Do I want my children to have successful and happy lives? Of course. But even more than that, I want them to feel the joy and freedom that I feel and I want them to feel those things with Jesus for eternity!
The second thing that I thought of was my marriage. Just running through the stereotypical housewife's checklist here, I guess. I am a wife, and that's another of the ways that I identify myself. Simply put, my heart's desire here is that my husband will delight in me, and I in him, until death parts us. I desire that we will love and serve each other just like we vowed to do and that we will never break our marriage covenant. Sure, I'd like us to have lots of money, a bigger house, a maid... but honestly, I signed on for "richer or poorer" and I'm perfectly content with "poorer" if it means I have my Godly man leading me and loving me for life. I desire that we would work through everything that should come our way and have the kind of marriage that God wants us to have.
Finally, I've found that the only other thing that is really and truly there in my heart of hearts is Jesus. And I mention Him last, not because He is least, but because He's the beginning and the end, and this is kind of where my heart-searching journey stopped. My desire, in Christ, is to be a Godly woman. Period. So... what exactly does that mean??
Well... The bible has quite a lot to say about women (despite common misconceptions). One of the first places that a woman seeking to be Godly is generally directed is to Proverbs 31. Let me unpack that one a little to begin with. Firstly, P31 is of noble character, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. I have to mention that I definitely think of P31 as quite the wealthy broad, but that is not really what defines her and it's not what the scripture is referring to when it says that her husband lacks nothing. That is referring back to her noble character. A description of said character follows. Basically, she is a hard worker and isn't idle (ie she doesn't Facebook and watch TV all day). She is charitable. She manages her household well (she has a shiny sink!). She is wise and gives sound instruction. And she loves God. Because of these things her children and husband adore her and sing her praises. Big shoes to fill, no?
Ruth is another woman to look to in the Bible. She was devoted, a hard worker, a good wife and a good daughter. She's described as someone having noble character, so I would say that she completely exemplified what is described in Proverbs 31. And she's kind of my sort of woman, because she was not monetarily wealthy, but she was wealthy in spirit and character, which is far more important.
I'm actually going to stop after giving one more example, not because there aren't anymore, but because if I don't stop somewhere, I'll never stop! And you didn't think I was really going to go through this whole thing without mentioning my favorite verses did you? Here is talks about older and younger women as having separate, but connected, duties. Older women should live reverently, not gossip or drink too much, and teach younger women about the good life. The younger women should follow those teachings and love their husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, be busy at home, kind, and subject to their husbands.
Those are three examples, but there are actually a lot of these scriptures (Proverbs is chock-full of them, and Paul has a good bit to say about women too), but they all say sort of the same things, really. 1)Women are important members of the household. 2) Women are to love God. 3) They are to work hard managing their homes, taking care of and loving their children, and loving and serving their husbands (and just FYI, I could go on a whole Song of Songs tangent about loving and serving one's husband, but I won't do it.... right now...)
So... did you notice what I noticed? In case you didn't, and because it's my blog, I'll tell you. If I am doing what I'm supposed to do as a godly woman, the wife and mother stuff is kind of taken care of. All my roles in life are really wrapped up completely in one man - Jesus - and if I'm following Him, the rest sort of takes care of itself. So... basically I just spent a week (or more) pondering this verse to come to the conclusion that it's actually self-fulfilling.
Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart... I'm finding that when I delight in the Lord, my heart's desires kind of line up with His. And when I follow His will for my life, those things naturally will come to fruition. Funny how that works, huh?
And I just have to throw out there that the fact that it all fits neatly into a pretty package does not mean it's easy. There are days when it's really hard to delight in the Lord because life gets in the way. There are days when I simply don't want to do what I'm called to. And there are bound to be struggles when it seems like His promises aren't coming true. Being a human in a fallen world pretty much guarantees that. But His plans are perfect and He sees a bigger picture than anyone on earth can see. All I can do is pursue my truest heart's desire, my Jesus, with all that I've got and trust in His grace and mercy to cover my many weaknesses.
Of course, that might still mean I'm waiting a long time on that dutch oven and new Bible that I'm wanting, but since I have Him, my heart's truest desire, I think I can handle the wait.
If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. ~Brendan Francis
The scripture referenced in this particular question is Psalm 37:4 and the question is "What are the desires of your heart?" I guess I first had to define what that even means. I mean, there are a lot of things I desire... a cast iron dutch oven, a good kitchen timer, a few extra hours in my day... those would all be nice. I can even throw a Godly answer in there! My Bible is in tatters (particularly the New Testament half) and I'd love to have a new one. But... I don't think those things exactly qualify as my heart's desire, do they?
No... this is something deeper. Significantly deeper. I had to dig right to my heart to figure this one out. And that's honestly not the easiest thing to do! My mind is constantly going. I think about mundane things like my weekly to-do list. I think about scriptures I've read, sermons I've heard, people I know, blogs I want to write. I think about bizarre things like if I don't make it to the hospital in time, do I deliver the placenta myself too, or just let the baby sort of dangle there until I get to the hospital (which is especially ridiculous if you know where I live in relation to the hospital). At any rate, my mind is always working, but it's very rarely working on anything especially deep. So this was something of a challenge.
But after lots of prayer and heart-searching (the study said to "take a few minutes" for this. I think by "minutes" they meant "days", or perhaps "weeks") I think I have been able to figure this thing out to a certain degree.
The first thing that came to mind when talking about matters of the heart was my children. I'm a stay-at-home mother of (almost) three, a homeschool mom, I recently became a Cub Scout mom, I'm a cloth diapering and breastfeeding mom, and... you get the idea. Motherhood is one of the primary ways I identify myself. So I started out thinking "What is my hearts desire for my children?"
I devote a lot of time and energy to those little people. I want them to be self-sufficient, clean, well-read, and well-educated. I want them to be able to think for themselves and to feel free to ask questions. And I spend a lot of time teaching them these things (particularly Logan... have you ever tried to teach a 36 week old fetus anything?) But when it comes right down to the heart of it, I would rather them be illiterate, living in my basement forever and needing me to do their laundry for life than I would for them to not know and love Jesus.
I know that's kind of a cliche churchy answer, sort of like saying "we just want a healthy baby" when an expectant parent is asked if they're hoping for a boy or girl, but to be honest, sometimes there is a reason for the cliche... it's true!!! Do I want my children to have successful and happy lives? Of course. But even more than that, I want them to feel the joy and freedom that I feel and I want them to feel those things with Jesus for eternity!
The second thing that I thought of was my marriage. Just running through the stereotypical housewife's checklist here, I guess. I am a wife, and that's another of the ways that I identify myself. Simply put, my heart's desire here is that my husband will delight in me, and I in him, until death parts us. I desire that we will love and serve each other just like we vowed to do and that we will never break our marriage covenant. Sure, I'd like us to have lots of money, a bigger house, a maid... but honestly, I signed on for "richer or poorer" and I'm perfectly content with "poorer" if it means I have my Godly man leading me and loving me for life. I desire that we would work through everything that should come our way and have the kind of marriage that God wants us to have.
Finally, I've found that the only other thing that is really and truly there in my heart of hearts is Jesus. And I mention Him last, not because He is least, but because He's the beginning and the end, and this is kind of where my heart-searching journey stopped. My desire, in Christ, is to be a Godly woman. Period. So... what exactly does that mean??
Well... The bible has quite a lot to say about women (despite common misconceptions). One of the first places that a woman seeking to be Godly is generally directed is to Proverbs 31. Let me unpack that one a little to begin with. Firstly, P31 is of noble character, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. I have to mention that I definitely think of P31 as quite the wealthy broad, but that is not really what defines her and it's not what the scripture is referring to when it says that her husband lacks nothing. That is referring back to her noble character. A description of said character follows. Basically, she is a hard worker and isn't idle (ie she doesn't Facebook and watch TV all day). She is charitable. She manages her household well (she has a shiny sink!). She is wise and gives sound instruction. And she loves God. Because of these things her children and husband adore her and sing her praises. Big shoes to fill, no?
Ruth is another woman to look to in the Bible. She was devoted, a hard worker, a good wife and a good daughter. She's described as someone having noble character, so I would say that she completely exemplified what is described in Proverbs 31. And she's kind of my sort of woman, because she was not monetarily wealthy, but she was wealthy in spirit and character, which is far more important.
I'm actually going to stop after giving one more example, not because there aren't anymore, but because if I don't stop somewhere, I'll never stop! And you didn't think I was really going to go through this whole thing without mentioning my favorite verses did you? Here is talks about older and younger women as having separate, but connected, duties. Older women should live reverently, not gossip or drink too much, and teach younger women about the good life. The younger women should follow those teachings and love their husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, be busy at home, kind, and subject to their husbands.
Those are three examples, but there are actually a lot of these scriptures (Proverbs is chock-full of them, and Paul has a good bit to say about women too), but they all say sort of the same things, really. 1)Women are important members of the household. 2) Women are to love God. 3) They are to work hard managing their homes, taking care of and loving their children, and loving and serving their husbands (and just FYI, I could go on a whole Song of Songs tangent about loving and serving one's husband, but I won't do it.... right now...)
So... did you notice what I noticed? In case you didn't, and because it's my blog, I'll tell you. If I am doing what I'm supposed to do as a godly woman, the wife and mother stuff is kind of taken care of. All my roles in life are really wrapped up completely in one man - Jesus - and if I'm following Him, the rest sort of takes care of itself. So... basically I just spent a week (or more) pondering this verse to come to the conclusion that it's actually self-fulfilling.
Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart... I'm finding that when I delight in the Lord, my heart's desires kind of line up with His. And when I follow His will for my life, those things naturally will come to fruition. Funny how that works, huh?
And I just have to throw out there that the fact that it all fits neatly into a pretty package does not mean it's easy. There are days when it's really hard to delight in the Lord because life gets in the way. There are days when I simply don't want to do what I'm called to. And there are bound to be struggles when it seems like His promises aren't coming true. Being a human in a fallen world pretty much guarantees that. But His plans are perfect and He sees a bigger picture than anyone on earth can see. All I can do is pursue my truest heart's desire, my Jesus, with all that I've got and trust in His grace and mercy to cover my many weaknesses.
Of course, that might still mean I'm waiting a long time on that dutch oven and new Bible that I'm wanting, but since I have Him, my heart's truest desire, I think I can handle the wait.
If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it. ~Brendan Francis
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
In which I speak softly and drop the stick
Okay, so perhaps I haven't dropped the stick yet. But I'm working on it.
This past week, while scouring the interwebs for all manner of knowledge, I came across a site called At the Well, which is a site ministering to Titus 2 women. Right up my alley!! I was really happy to find this site, as I feel like most women's ministries I come across (usually ministering to Proverbs 31 women) just don't have the same New Testament flavor that Titus 2 projects. That probably makes very little sense to anyone other than me, but just roll with it, please. It really doesn't have to make sense for me to act on it. :-) So anyhoo, I found that At the Well does weekly challenges. They post new challenges each Monday. Since I just found the site on Thursday, I looked at the challenge, made a half-hearted (at best) stab at it and determined that I would actually start the challenges this week.
So this morning, after Eric headed off to work, I did my scripture reading for the day, which started off with the Israelite people grumbling in the desert for 5 chapters. And that seems so cut and dry, doesn't it? Because we all know the story oh-so-well, of how God delivered them and they kept complaining. So God fed them, and they kept complaining. And God gave them fresh water, and they kept complaining. So God paid them more attention, and they kept complaining. And then they built an idol. And I know for me, I read it and think about what idiots they were and why didn't they appreciate the wonderfully close relationship they had with God? And then I realize... oh. Same reason I do all the exact same stuff, I guess.
Then my readings concluded with a little talk about love.
Let me back up a little and mention that I have really been struggling with the fruits of the spirit lately. I feel like I don't exude those fruits the way a Christian woman ought to and I have been praying about it a lot. I don't like being the mom who yells at her kids instead of rebuking them in love when they need it. I don't like being the woman who complains about the housework instead of doing it to bless my family and glorify God. I don't like being the woman who sits around being lazy half the day instead of getting up and using my God-given talents and abilities. But that, my friends, is the woman I've become. Not fruitful, not loving, not even particularly Christian in attitude and deed. So I've been praying hard about it. I'm a lot like an Ent in that way and couldn't just hastily decide to do better. I had to think it through, pray about it, figure out why I had slid backward into chaos, and then, perhaps, make a change. But let it be known that prayer and thought without action, in a case like this, is not terribly fruitful. So being unfruitful, certainly did not help my unfruitfulness in any way.
Lo and behold, when I read my Bible this morning and then read through the little devotion that went along with the love verse I read, I was a bundle of conviction! I have not been loving at all! The devotion offered up a challenge to not only feel love for those around us (it actually was directed at married couples, but certainly the advice can be applied to all around me, not just my spouse), but to act loving toward them. According to dc Talk, love is a verb, so just feeling it is not enough. So I was challenged to find ways to exemplify God's love to my family. That's not terribly easy, to be honest, but it is a definite answer to prayer and I am up for the challenge. I started to feel God pushing me toward action, and that is definitely not a bad thing.
Then it occurred to me that the new At the Well challenge should be posted today, so I headed over there to check it out. And what should I see there but that my challenge for the week is to speak softly and use my words wisely. I am challenged to not stir up anger in those around me, which I tend to particularly do to my little Logan, who is so much like me that we drive each other insane most days. Speaking softly when I am annoyed is going to be a very. difficult. challenge. But again, I am up for it! I need to do this!!
So after all of my prayers with no action behind them, God clearly decided to push me into it. What I've been asking for is something He had already equipped me with and my asking for it was just redundant and sinful at best. Why should I continually be pleading to God for something that He's already given me? Well, the answer is pretty clear... so that I don't have to do the right thing. I'm justifying my decidedly un-Christ-like actions and attitudes by simply saying "I'm praying about it" and letting it go. That is NOT what God has called me to! Without fruit, without action, what am I? Why would I imagine that I can get by without following Him?
Today is the day that all that stops (again). I've started fresh may times before, and I'll probably have to do it many more times. The positive thing is that God is always there forgiving me, helping me, guiding me, forgiving me... He wants me to succeed and when I'm getting close to rock bottom, He gives me a little push in the right direction. Sometimes those pushes aren't so gentle either, but I am always grateful for them. And the coolest part is that the next time I hit rock bottom, I'll find (as I have done in my many previous rock bottom moments) that rock bottom is just a little higher than it was the last time I hit it. It's a little easier to be pulled out (because I sure as heck can't climb out myself). So despite the fact that I feel like the miserable failure that I am, I can still see that God is working on me. And that knowledge is really all I need to move forward.
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." ~Psalm 51:12
This past week, while scouring the interwebs for all manner of knowledge, I came across a site called At the Well, which is a site ministering to Titus 2 women. Right up my alley!! I was really happy to find this site, as I feel like most women's ministries I come across (usually ministering to Proverbs 31 women) just don't have the same New Testament flavor that Titus 2 projects. That probably makes very little sense to anyone other than me, but just roll with it, please. It really doesn't have to make sense for me to act on it. :-) So anyhoo, I found that At the Well does weekly challenges. They post new challenges each Monday. Since I just found the site on Thursday, I looked at the challenge, made a half-hearted (at best) stab at it and determined that I would actually start the challenges this week.
So this morning, after Eric headed off to work, I did my scripture reading for the day, which started off with the Israelite people grumbling in the desert for 5 chapters. And that seems so cut and dry, doesn't it? Because we all know the story oh-so-well, of how God delivered them and they kept complaining. So God fed them, and they kept complaining. And God gave them fresh water, and they kept complaining. So God paid them more attention, and they kept complaining. And then they built an idol. And I know for me, I read it and think about what idiots they were and why didn't they appreciate the wonderfully close relationship they had with God? And then I realize... oh. Same reason I do all the exact same stuff, I guess.
Then my readings concluded with a little talk about love.
Let me back up a little and mention that I have really been struggling with the fruits of the spirit lately. I feel like I don't exude those fruits the way a Christian woman ought to and I have been praying about it a lot. I don't like being the mom who yells at her kids instead of rebuking them in love when they need it. I don't like being the woman who complains about the housework instead of doing it to bless my family and glorify God. I don't like being the woman who sits around being lazy half the day instead of getting up and using my God-given talents and abilities. But that, my friends, is the woman I've become. Not fruitful, not loving, not even particularly Christian in attitude and deed. So I've been praying hard about it. I'm a lot like an Ent in that way and couldn't just hastily decide to do better. I had to think it through, pray about it, figure out why I had slid backward into chaos, and then, perhaps, make a change. But let it be known that prayer and thought without action, in a case like this, is not terribly fruitful. So being unfruitful, certainly did not help my unfruitfulness in any way.
Lo and behold, when I read my Bible this morning and then read through the little devotion that went along with the love verse I read, I was a bundle of conviction! I have not been loving at all! The devotion offered up a challenge to not only feel love for those around us (it actually was directed at married couples, but certainly the advice can be applied to all around me, not just my spouse), but to act loving toward them. According to dc Talk, love is a verb, so just feeling it is not enough. So I was challenged to find ways to exemplify God's love to my family. That's not terribly easy, to be honest, but it is a definite answer to prayer and I am up for the challenge. I started to feel God pushing me toward action, and that is definitely not a bad thing.
Then it occurred to me that the new At the Well challenge should be posted today, so I headed over there to check it out. And what should I see there but that my challenge for the week is to speak softly and use my words wisely. I am challenged to not stir up anger in those around me, which I tend to particularly do to my little Logan, who is so much like me that we drive each other insane most days. Speaking softly when I am annoyed is going to be a very. difficult. challenge. But again, I am up for it! I need to do this!!
So after all of my prayers with no action behind them, God clearly decided to push me into it. What I've been asking for is something He had already equipped me with and my asking for it was just redundant and sinful at best. Why should I continually be pleading to God for something that He's already given me? Well, the answer is pretty clear... so that I don't have to do the right thing. I'm justifying my decidedly un-Christ-like actions and attitudes by simply saying "I'm praying about it" and letting it go. That is NOT what God has called me to! Without fruit, without action, what am I? Why would I imagine that I can get by without following Him?
Today is the day that all that stops (again). I've started fresh may times before, and I'll probably have to do it many more times. The positive thing is that God is always there forgiving me, helping me, guiding me, forgiving me... He wants me to succeed and when I'm getting close to rock bottom, He gives me a little push in the right direction. Sometimes those pushes aren't so gentle either, but I am always grateful for them. And the coolest part is that the next time I hit rock bottom, I'll find (as I have done in my many previous rock bottom moments) that rock bottom is just a little higher than it was the last time I hit it. It's a little easier to be pulled out (because I sure as heck can't climb out myself). So despite the fact that I feel like the miserable failure that I am, I can still see that God is working on me. And that knowledge is really all I need to move forward.
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." ~Psalm 51:12
Thursday, July 21, 2011
In which I pick up my pen again
Periodically, I write these "I Am" statement poems. I wrote my first one in 9th grade, and I loved it so much that I periodically re-evaluate myself and where I'm at and write a new one. Today I read this blog and I thought it was so incredibly moving and beautiful, it just inspired me to re-evaluate again. The format on this one is slightly different than all the ones in the past (although it's possible that that's only noticeable to me), and it's not exactly a replacement for the most recent one, but it's along the same lines. Anyway, it's short and sweet and I thought I'd post it here, because, really, what else would I do with it?
I am reader of bedtime stories, Bible school chauffeur, feeder of pets, vanquisher of bees. I am gardener, maid, tender of wounds, gourmet peanut butter and jelly chef. I am teacher of reading & writing & arithmetic, speaker of Grandma's passed down wisdom. I am dealer of bottom spankings and "don't bite your brother"s and "go out and get some fresh air"s. I am not trying to climate control the out-doors, so please close the door behind you. I am clipper of coupons, hunter of bargains, expert in dinner for under $3. I am enforcer of "eat what's in front of you or go hungry" and "no, you can't watch more t.v." I am a home for my unborn, nourishment for my just born, and provider of love for them always. I have my hands full of the most wonderful things and my heart overflowing with God's highest calling. I answer to "mom" no matter who says it and I am thankful for the blessing of that name.
I am reader of bedtime stories, Bible school chauffeur, feeder of pets, vanquisher of bees. I am gardener, maid, tender of wounds, gourmet peanut butter and jelly chef. I am teacher of reading & writing & arithmetic, speaker of Grandma's passed down wisdom. I am dealer of bottom spankings and "don't bite your brother"s and "go out and get some fresh air"s. I am not trying to climate control the out-doors, so please close the door behind you. I am clipper of coupons, hunter of bargains, expert in dinner for under $3. I am enforcer of "eat what's in front of you or go hungry" and "no, you can't watch more t.v." I am a home for my unborn, nourishment for my just born, and provider of love for them always. I have my hands full of the most wonderful things and my heart overflowing with God's highest calling. I answer to "mom" no matter who says it and I am thankful for the blessing of that name.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
In which I crave community
So, I have been doing this "homeward" thing for about 7 months now. And believe me, it has taken me every bit of that time to get even remotely on track here. Despite what anyone may think, being a housewife and a stay at home mom is really difficult. It's difficult to devote all your energy to your house and family, when what you really want is to drive somewhere for 5 minutes without listening to your kids argue in the back seat. It's difficult to stay on task when there are so many things, both good and bad, pulling you in so many different directions. And lately, I've found that it is especially difficult to do all this on your own.
No, I'm not saying my husband doesn't help me. He helps immensely just by providing for us. Not only that, but he's wonderful with the kids, even when he's tired after working all day. I landed a good one, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I'm not even saying my kids don't help. They try to keep their rooms clean, and try to help me pick up when I ask them too. Even Maggie is able to throw trash in the trash can, or take her toys to her room.
What I'm lamenting here is the lack of community. In my scripture, Titus 2:3-5, it talks about being homeward in orientation, and that's what I've been working toward. But it also talks about women helping one another to stay on task, encouraging and setting examples for one another. This is something our society sorely lacks. And the worst part about it, is that I think it causes us to get even further off task. We all crave community. We are designed by God to be in community with one another. And this break-down of real, physical community has caused us to search for it elsewhere. The closest thing I have found to community with other women, is with people who live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from me. I love those women and what we have going on our online message board is not a bad thing by any means. But it's not really real, if you know what I mean.
At the beginning of June, Logan and I went to pick strawberries. (Which inspired me to write a short story also. But more on that in a later blog.) It was such an awesome Titus 2 experience. My grandmother kept Maggie while Logan and I picked strawberries for us and for my grandmother. When we were done, we all went shopping together to get everything we'd need to make our jam, and she taught me how to do it. It was just a little taste of that biblical unity, and it was so refreshing. We worked together to get a job done. The older woman caring for the baby while the younger woman and older child did the "labor" part of the work. She then trained me in how to accomplish something that I'd never done, but that she's been doing for decades. It worked beautifully and I think we both felt a little God breeze from the way we worked together that day; at least, I know I did.
That is in stark contrast to the way I've been feeling this week. Peas are the current crop of the week. I still haven't perfected that magical touch that tells you exactly when to pick peas, so many of mine are huge and bitter from hanging on the vine too long. That magical touch could probably be taught, but I don't have someone to teach it to me. It's been 3 years of trial and error. (The first year, we picked too early. Last year, we waited so long that most of the peas rotted on the vine. This year, we picked a little too late. Le sigh...) So all the peas finally got picked yesterday. The majority of my day today was spent shelling them, so that they can be canned this weekend. Just in case you don't know, shelling peas is a very dull job with a very small pay-out. It cramps your hands and your bowl of empty shells gets full WAY faster than your bowl of little, green peas does. So, as I was sitting, by myself, shelling peas, it occurred to me that this is not a job God intended for us to do alone. I daydreamed away while I shelled peas, imagining myself sitting on a front porch with several women. Our children would be running around in the yard, stopping by every once in a while to steal a few fresh, sweet peas to munch on, and we would be gabbing and laughing while we shelled together. The job would be the same, and it would take the same amount of time, but how much more fun it would be!
God designed us women to live and work along side other women. (And, as a side note, I'm sure that men are the same. My husband has a wonderful connection with the guys he works with, both at his job and at church. So much so that I'm jealous, and wondering why we women don't or won't make it happen.) At any rate, that's why we even travel to the bathroom together at restaurants! We crave that time of sitting on the porch shelling peas or snapping green beans together, and we don't know how to get it back. Most of us never even had it to begin with! I've had a few tastes of it, like that day with my grandmother, and a few special times spent with a local friend hanging out and cooking a meal together while our children play and torment one another. Those tastes only make me long for more of it on a more regular basis!
And so it is that Facebook and message boards steal much of my time, even now when I am trying so hard to focus on being homeward. I'm not trying to make excuses for wasting time on the internet, but it would make it a lot easier to forget about (or at least spend significantly less time on) those "false" communities if I had a real one to rely on. I've also spent time going to local mom groups and play dates. These, too, feel forced and false. I leave wondering why I went in the first place when there was so much work to be done at home. I think true fellowship happens when you live and work alongside someone. You can't force it by just meeting together with some silly agenda. You can't satisfy your needs by "meeting" online with people you've never physically met. (Not to say that those bonds aren't strong! I love many of my online friends like I love my family, and I'm so happy to have had the chance to get to know them. But they still can't replace a physical hug, or a buddy to chat with while shelling peas.) There are many ways that women in our society try to fill this void. And I'm sure that any of those women would admit in their heart of hearts that nothing really fills it to their satisfaction.
I can't say that there's any easy solution for this. Our society has crumbled community to the point that no one even knows how to really do it anymore. But I, for one, am praying for a way to one day get it together with the women in my church, the women around me. And I suppose, if nothing else, it won't be too terribly long before my daughters (yes, that's plural now!!) are big enough to shell those ridiculous peas with me, and I'll be the older woman training them in how to be homeward. Lord, help us! :)
No, I'm not saying my husband doesn't help me. He helps immensely just by providing for us. Not only that, but he's wonderful with the kids, even when he's tired after working all day. I landed a good one, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I'm not even saying my kids don't help. They try to keep their rooms clean, and try to help me pick up when I ask them too. Even Maggie is able to throw trash in the trash can, or take her toys to her room.
What I'm lamenting here is the lack of community. In my scripture, Titus 2:3-5, it talks about being homeward in orientation, and that's what I've been working toward. But it also talks about women helping one another to stay on task, encouraging and setting examples for one another. This is something our society sorely lacks. And the worst part about it, is that I think it causes us to get even further off task. We all crave community. We are designed by God to be in community with one another. And this break-down of real, physical community has caused us to search for it elsewhere. The closest thing I have found to community with other women, is with people who live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from me. I love those women and what we have going on our online message board is not a bad thing by any means. But it's not really real, if you know what I mean.
At the beginning of June, Logan and I went to pick strawberries. (Which inspired me to write a short story also. But more on that in a later blog.) It was such an awesome Titus 2 experience. My grandmother kept Maggie while Logan and I picked strawberries for us and for my grandmother. When we were done, we all went shopping together to get everything we'd need to make our jam, and she taught me how to do it. It was just a little taste of that biblical unity, and it was so refreshing. We worked together to get a job done. The older woman caring for the baby while the younger woman and older child did the "labor" part of the work. She then trained me in how to accomplish something that I'd never done, but that she's been doing for decades. It worked beautifully and I think we both felt a little God breeze from the way we worked together that day; at least, I know I did.
That is in stark contrast to the way I've been feeling this week. Peas are the current crop of the week. I still haven't perfected that magical touch that tells you exactly when to pick peas, so many of mine are huge and bitter from hanging on the vine too long. That magical touch could probably be taught, but I don't have someone to teach it to me. It's been 3 years of trial and error. (The first year, we picked too early. Last year, we waited so long that most of the peas rotted on the vine. This year, we picked a little too late. Le sigh...) So all the peas finally got picked yesterday. The majority of my day today was spent shelling them, so that they can be canned this weekend. Just in case you don't know, shelling peas is a very dull job with a very small pay-out. It cramps your hands and your bowl of empty shells gets full WAY faster than your bowl of little, green peas does. So, as I was sitting, by myself, shelling peas, it occurred to me that this is not a job God intended for us to do alone. I daydreamed away while I shelled peas, imagining myself sitting on a front porch with several women. Our children would be running around in the yard, stopping by every once in a while to steal a few fresh, sweet peas to munch on, and we would be gabbing and laughing while we shelled together. The job would be the same, and it would take the same amount of time, but how much more fun it would be!
God designed us women to live and work along side other women. (And, as a side note, I'm sure that men are the same. My husband has a wonderful connection with the guys he works with, both at his job and at church. So much so that I'm jealous, and wondering why we women don't or won't make it happen.) At any rate, that's why we even travel to the bathroom together at restaurants! We crave that time of sitting on the porch shelling peas or snapping green beans together, and we don't know how to get it back. Most of us never even had it to begin with! I've had a few tastes of it, like that day with my grandmother, and a few special times spent with a local friend hanging out and cooking a meal together while our children play and torment one another. Those tastes only make me long for more of it on a more regular basis!
And so it is that Facebook and message boards steal much of my time, even now when I am trying so hard to focus on being homeward. I'm not trying to make excuses for wasting time on the internet, but it would make it a lot easier to forget about (or at least spend significantly less time on) those "false" communities if I had a real one to rely on. I've also spent time going to local mom groups and play dates. These, too, feel forced and false. I leave wondering why I went in the first place when there was so much work to be done at home. I think true fellowship happens when you live and work alongside someone. You can't force it by just meeting together with some silly agenda. You can't satisfy your needs by "meeting" online with people you've never physically met. (Not to say that those bonds aren't strong! I love many of my online friends like I love my family, and I'm so happy to have had the chance to get to know them. But they still can't replace a physical hug, or a buddy to chat with while shelling peas.) There are many ways that women in our society try to fill this void. And I'm sure that any of those women would admit in their heart of hearts that nothing really fills it to their satisfaction.
I can't say that there's any easy solution for this. Our society has crumbled community to the point that no one even knows how to really do it anymore. But I, for one, am praying for a way to one day get it together with the women in my church, the women around me. And I suppose, if nothing else, it won't be too terribly long before my daughters (yes, that's plural now!!) are big enough to shell those ridiculous peas with me, and I'll be the older woman training them in how to be homeward. Lord, help us! :)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
In which nothing says lovin' like a bun in the oven
So, yeah... I'm not a great blogger. I always have the best of intentions, and write amazing, genius, Pulitzer-worthy blogs in my head, but somehow they never get posted so I am still awaiting my Pulitzer. But anyway, here I am, giving it another shot. You may not hear from me for another 6 months after this, but I'll try to do better from here on out. And I just wanted to add that, since it's been so long, forgive me if I ramble. My mind is going a million miles a minute, but it's filled with good stuff and I want to spread the love (or at least make a record of it so that I can re-read this when my mind's filled with not-so-good stuff).
The fact that my blog has been completely inactive, though, certainly doesn't mean that I have been. I'm skipping the My One Word journal that was given this month (and continuing to skip the ones that I've already skipped) so that I can get some other stuff out. I am still working on my homeward-ness, and do plan on catching up on those at some point. But today is not that point.
I guess the biggest news since my last post is that my sweet man and I are expecting another baby. Currently nicknamed Blueberry, the baby is due on November 5. No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I'm not sure if we plan on finding out, but I'll say that we probably will because Eric wants to know and I'm sure as heck not letting him know if I don't. I'm not that bothered about the whole surprise thing. You either get surprised when you still have time to buy blue or pink clothing or you get surprised when you've already had to stock up on green and yellow stuff. We'll likely opt for the earlier, prep-time surprise. At first, Blueberry had me quite sick. Thankfully, that only lasted for a few weeks. Now my appetite is back in full force and I'm starting to get a bit of a bump (more than the fat roll I had a few weeks ago). I need to get a picture, but I need a competent camera operator to do that. Logan doesn't count.
The second bit of big news is that Logan has finished 1st grade! I am so incredibly proud of him. We actually finished up early this year because we were both starting to get twitterpated; him with the beautiful weather outside, and me with the beautiful dirt in the garden. So we went over the standards for 1st grade, found out we'd already surpassed them, and called this boring, boring curriculum quits. He took his test and got a 92%, so the government is satisfied. He got a National Award in PE (yes, I bore my musician husband a jock!). And I have seen him learn and grow so much this year that I am tickled pink! He is a really amazing little boy, and I am super proud of him. Next year we are planning to homeschool again, although we'll start in early August this time so we can take the amount of time off that we need to in November when Blueberry arrives. I'm super excited to get away from CLE, which was educationally very good, but also very boring, and get back to My Father's World, which we did in Kindergarten and both really loved. We're also supplementing that with Professor B math, which I'm also massively excited about. Logan is not a lover of math (wonder where he got that from....), and from the research I've done, this is a GREAT curriculum for kids like him. And I'm sure we'll be supplementing with plenty of visits to the library and any other cool field trips we can afford and with some cool lapbooks again too (we did several this year and had a lot of fun with them.) Homeschooling rocks and I am so proud and happy that we can call ourselves a homeschool family!
Well. Now that I have the big announcements out of the way, I guess I can actually get to the point here. This does have something to do with that special little word I've chosen, so if you were hoping for an update on that, you can count this, because it's as close as you're going to get right now.
I'm sure that anyone who reads this knows that I have been attempting to FLY for almost two years now. Those attempts have been largely comprised of tiny flutters followed by severe crashing and burning. I am out to change that once and for all. So I started with my bed. I know, I know... FlyLady says start with the kitchen sink. But hear me out!
The kitchen sink thing just didn't work for me. I shined my kitchen sink fifty-eleven times. Usually at least once a month, I would "get back on the wagon" and shine my sink. After doing all the massive pile-up of dishes, and shining said sink, I was so exhausted that I couldn't possibly do another thing. Shining the sink is the first step right? Yeah, only if you keep it that way every day. Not if you clean the dishes, shine the sink, then let the dishes (and disgusting bits that go along with them) pile up in the shiny sink until it is dull and gross again. That's what we call a vicious cycle. But I know in the depths of my soul that FlyLady is a system that works miracles for people like me. I know that it works and I know that I'm not THAT flawed that FlyLady can't possibly work for me. So I made up a new sink. It's called my bed.
My whole house was a wreck. Clutter everywhere, dirt piled up. Disgusting. I would manage to crisis clean it decently any time I was expecting company, but God forbid someone drop by unannounced! I started reading FlyLady's book, Sink Reflections and she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. She was talking about getting our houses "company ready" and then reflected that she hated that term because we should be treating our families even better than we treat our company. Ouch. And I knew something had to change. I decided that since that sink thing wasn't working for me, I needed a new focus. And I somehow fell into it being my bed. Making my bed is way easier than keeping all my dishes done. It takes only a few minutes and it looks gorgeous when it's all tucked in neat. And it feels delicious to climb into a clean, neat bed at the end of a long day. So I made the bed. And even though my room was disastardly (my own word, and I love it too much to let the spell-checker fix it), I smiled every time I walked in the room or walked past the room because I could see that nice neat bed. And from there I got started. I made my bed every day. The next week I actually washed the sheets (and I can't tell you how long it had been. Yuck.) And I still kept making the bed. Then I decided that I wanted the room to look decent around that beautiful bed, so I figured I'd better start doing laundry. And suddenly (okay, actually like a week later) all the laundry was done. I'm doing one load each day now and putting it away as soon as it's dry. There's no more clean laundry pile-up. No more dirty laundry pile-up. No more wondering if something in or near a pile is clean or dirty. All the clothes are put away. Baby step 2 complete.
The following Monday (which was yesterday) I washed the sheets again. I hung them on the line and started to remake the bed with sheets from the closet. Then I stopped myself. I'm doing all this work to make things pretty... I deserve to have sheets that smell like sunshine on my bed! So for the first time in 2 weeks, I didn't make my bed right away yesterday. I waited until the sheets on the line were dry and then made it. Now my bed smells like sunshine and it makes me even happier. So this is what that "finally loving yourself" thing is all about...
So fast forward to today and I am working on baby step number 3. I'm still following the FlyLady philosophy - FlyLady gave me my pixie dust to get me off the ground! - but I'm making it work for me, like she always says to do! My baby step number 3 is to get the dishes done and keep them done. If I do a small sink-full every day, it'll be just like the laundry, done and done with very minimal effort. And that's the kind of doing I like.
So wish me luck as I flutter off to work on some more dishes. My bed is made. The laundry is done, folded and put away. Baby step number three is half-way completed. Give me a couple of weeks and I think my house will be not just company-ready, but home.
"I began by shining my sink. It was a simple task that did not overpower me. When I finished the sink that shiny sink gave me hope. It was also faith in myself. I accomplished something and I was keeping it shining and not falling back into my old ways." ~FlyLady
The fact that my blog has been completely inactive, though, certainly doesn't mean that I have been. I'm skipping the My One Word journal that was given this month (and continuing to skip the ones that I've already skipped) so that I can get some other stuff out. I am still working on my homeward-ness, and do plan on catching up on those at some point. But today is not that point.
I guess the biggest news since my last post is that my sweet man and I are expecting another baby. Currently nicknamed Blueberry, the baby is due on November 5. No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet. I'm not sure if we plan on finding out, but I'll say that we probably will because Eric wants to know and I'm sure as heck not letting him know if I don't. I'm not that bothered about the whole surprise thing. You either get surprised when you still have time to buy blue or pink clothing or you get surprised when you've already had to stock up on green and yellow stuff. We'll likely opt for the earlier, prep-time surprise. At first, Blueberry had me quite sick. Thankfully, that only lasted for a few weeks. Now my appetite is back in full force and I'm starting to get a bit of a bump (more than the fat roll I had a few weeks ago). I need to get a picture, but I need a competent camera operator to do that. Logan doesn't count.
The second bit of big news is that Logan has finished 1st grade! I am so incredibly proud of him. We actually finished up early this year because we were both starting to get twitterpated; him with the beautiful weather outside, and me with the beautiful dirt in the garden. So we went over the standards for 1st grade, found out we'd already surpassed them, and called this boring, boring curriculum quits. He took his test and got a 92%, so the government is satisfied. He got a National Award in PE (yes, I bore my musician husband a jock!). And I have seen him learn and grow so much this year that I am tickled pink! He is a really amazing little boy, and I am super proud of him. Next year we are planning to homeschool again, although we'll start in early August this time so we can take the amount of time off that we need to in November when Blueberry arrives. I'm super excited to get away from CLE, which was educationally very good, but also very boring, and get back to My Father's World, which we did in Kindergarten and both really loved. We're also supplementing that with Professor B math, which I'm also massively excited about. Logan is not a lover of math (wonder where he got that from....), and from the research I've done, this is a GREAT curriculum for kids like him. And I'm sure we'll be supplementing with plenty of visits to the library and any other cool field trips we can afford and with some cool lapbooks again too (we did several this year and had a lot of fun with them.) Homeschooling rocks and I am so proud and happy that we can call ourselves a homeschool family!
Well. Now that I have the big announcements out of the way, I guess I can actually get to the point here. This does have something to do with that special little word I've chosen, so if you were hoping for an update on that, you can count this, because it's as close as you're going to get right now.
I'm sure that anyone who reads this knows that I have been attempting to FLY for almost two years now. Those attempts have been largely comprised of tiny flutters followed by severe crashing and burning. I am out to change that once and for all. So I started with my bed. I know, I know... FlyLady says start with the kitchen sink. But hear me out!
The kitchen sink thing just didn't work for me. I shined my kitchen sink fifty-eleven times. Usually at least once a month, I would "get back on the wagon" and shine my sink. After doing all the massive pile-up of dishes, and shining said sink, I was so exhausted that I couldn't possibly do another thing. Shining the sink is the first step right? Yeah, only if you keep it that way every day. Not if you clean the dishes, shine the sink, then let the dishes (and disgusting bits that go along with them) pile up in the shiny sink until it is dull and gross again. That's what we call a vicious cycle. But I know in the depths of my soul that FlyLady is a system that works miracles for people like me. I know that it works and I know that I'm not THAT flawed that FlyLady can't possibly work for me. So I made up a new sink. It's called my bed.
My whole house was a wreck. Clutter everywhere, dirt piled up. Disgusting. I would manage to crisis clean it decently any time I was expecting company, but God forbid someone drop by unannounced! I started reading FlyLady's book, Sink Reflections and she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. She was talking about getting our houses "company ready" and then reflected that she hated that term because we should be treating our families even better than we treat our company. Ouch. And I knew something had to change. I decided that since that sink thing wasn't working for me, I needed a new focus. And I somehow fell into it being my bed. Making my bed is way easier than keeping all my dishes done. It takes only a few minutes and it looks gorgeous when it's all tucked in neat. And it feels delicious to climb into a clean, neat bed at the end of a long day. So I made the bed. And even though my room was disastardly (my own word, and I love it too much to let the spell-checker fix it), I smiled every time I walked in the room or walked past the room because I could see that nice neat bed. And from there I got started. I made my bed every day. The next week I actually washed the sheets (and I can't tell you how long it had been. Yuck.) And I still kept making the bed. Then I decided that I wanted the room to look decent around that beautiful bed, so I figured I'd better start doing laundry. And suddenly (okay, actually like a week later) all the laundry was done. I'm doing one load each day now and putting it away as soon as it's dry. There's no more clean laundry pile-up. No more dirty laundry pile-up. No more wondering if something in or near a pile is clean or dirty. All the clothes are put away. Baby step 2 complete.
The following Monday (which was yesterday) I washed the sheets again. I hung them on the line and started to remake the bed with sheets from the closet. Then I stopped myself. I'm doing all this work to make things pretty... I deserve to have sheets that smell like sunshine on my bed! So for the first time in 2 weeks, I didn't make my bed right away yesterday. I waited until the sheets on the line were dry and then made it. Now my bed smells like sunshine and it makes me even happier. So this is what that "finally loving yourself" thing is all about...
So fast forward to today and I am working on baby step number 3. I'm still following the FlyLady philosophy - FlyLady gave me my pixie dust to get me off the ground! - but I'm making it work for me, like she always says to do! My baby step number 3 is to get the dishes done and keep them done. If I do a small sink-full every day, it'll be just like the laundry, done and done with very minimal effort. And that's the kind of doing I like.
So wish me luck as I flutter off to work on some more dishes. My bed is made. The laundry is done, folded and put away. Baby step number three is half-way completed. Give me a couple of weeks and I think my house will be not just company-ready, but home.
"I began by shining my sink. It was a simple task that did not overpower me. When I finished the sink that shiny sink gave me hope. It was also faith in myself. I accomplished something and I was keeping it shining and not falling back into my old ways." ~FlyLady
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