The thing is, culture is pushing some things at women lately that I am really not comfortable with. I've had women - even Christian women - telling me that I need to read this book or see that movie. They are described as "wonderful," "a great story," "perfection..." Believe me, I have done a lot of research on them, I have prayed a lot about it, meditated and studied scripture on this topic. And while I haven't read the book or seen the movie - and I won't be doing either - I can say that these things are nowhere close to appropriate for anyone, in my opinion, and certainly not for a woman in love with Jesus.
Where Magic Mike is concerned, this is really nothing more than objectification of men. Women have been crying out against men objectifying women for years and years. Why have we now lowered our own standards to the point that we've reversed things? This is not empowering anyone, and it hurts everyone! Now, I can guarantee that if this were a sexy movie about a female stripper, I would be livid and deeply hurt if my husband were excited about it, tweeting about it, planning a man date to see it, or coming home aroused after seeing it. I don't consider myself a jealous person, but that would certainly cross the line. He is commanded in scripture to love me as Christ loves the church and as he loves his own body. That type of behavior would not be loving in any way, shape or form. Turning it around, it is true that we women are not exactly commanded to love our husbands. It's actually a little worse... We're commanded - we must- respect them. How much respect can we show to our husbands while we're drooling over a naked, sexy, gyrating man on the big screen? To me, that one is a no-brainer.
My views have been met with a lot more contempt and resistance where 50 Shades of Grey is concerned. It seems that this "story" has wormed it's way into the hearts of millions of women and they are willing to fight - complete with hair-pulling and scratching - for Christian Grey. Christian Grey is apparently an untouchable specimen of perfection whose name should never be profaned. Hmmm... sorry, ladies...
For now, I'll skip over the fact that this book is, at least in part, full-blown (no pun intended) pornography. It has been defended with things like "It's actually a beautiful love story about overcoming a troubled past. They end up married with children at the end." (And actually, I'm wondering if there's a segment of the book that encourages you to respond with those exact sentences anytime someone criticizes the series... Spare me, I've heard it.) I just want to say one thing to that: There are better ways to overcome a troubled past than having violent/sadistic/masochistic sex with someone you aren't married to!
Ok, sometimes - usually - life isn't perfect. I get that. I've experienced it. But how can you say that, in this case, the end justifies the means. All things work together for the good of those who love him. Of course that's true... but the fact that it will work out well in the end is no reason to applaud for those whose means were less than noble. I understand... adultery happens. Divorce happens. Heartache happens. We do what we do not want to do. Sin happens. And the book is just reflecting that ugly reality. But really, it comes down to the implications of this... are we to teach our daughters that, if someone had a bad childhood, it's perfectly okay for them to have violent, experimental sex with that person because it might help them overcome the past and they might end up married with children when it's all said and done? This book seems to have become so real and important to some women that they would share that sentiment. That is completely sickening. Ok, so it's a good story... find a better good story! There are lots of good stories out there that you wouldn't be horrified to have your pre-teen pick up off your shelf. Like I said, maybe it does reflect a certain aspect of reality, but we don't have to dwell on the nastiness of the world. In fact, we're told not to, because it's not good for us. Think on what is good.
Another great defense that I've heard is "my husband was really happy when I finished the book... *wink wink*" Um... sorry, honey. No. Your husband enjoys sex with you and was glad that you instigated it. He'd have been happy to know that you were actually thinking of him and not of Christian Grey. He'd have been happy if you'd spent your time, not watching Magic Mike dance, but dressing up for your husband, dancing for him, writing a sexy email to him, whatever does it for you and him. The point is, of course, he enjoys the sex, but he'd rather have your heart and your respect first. He may never admit it, but I speaks the truth.
At any rate, my real reason for writing this is to say that I read a very sexy, steamy book, too. I've read it over and over and it works wonders for my marriage. Flip to the middle of your Bible... right around there is a little book called Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon, depending on your translation... it has nothing to do with Toni Morrison.) There are a few things there (and elsewhere in the Bible) that I'd like to highlight; things that have really been on my heart for the past few weeks.
To summarize, there are two people in love, married. The woman is a little insecure. The man adores her and lets her know constantly. This enables her to be bold and without shame with him. Their marriage and their marriage bed are healthy, lush, "verdant." The book is like little snapshots of their relationship. And more importantly, it's God's Word on marriage and marital intimacy.
The most famous verse from this book is 2:4 "His banner over me is love." I want to break that down a little bit. A banner, at that time, was a large military flag flown during battle. It helped the troops to stay unified during the chaos of the fight. For this couple (and remember, this is God's standard!), his love was that banner. In the chaos of the world, amidst the forces that try ot destroy our marriages, a husband's love is like a beacon, unifying them, keeping them oriented in the right direction. Because, you see, his love for his wife should reflect Christ's love for the church. It is a pure love, a bold love, an open love, a serving love... it protects and it perseveres. Always.
In Song of Songs 2:15 the husband tells the wife to catch the little foxes that ruin their vineyard. Their vineyard is in bloom, it's fruitful, it's "verdant" (Song of Songs 1:16... love that word!) The vineyard, in this case, could be their marriage or their literal marriage bed (as it is in 1:16), but either way, there are little "foxes" creeping in, trying to ruin and devour the lush vineyard they've built together. Little problems, little distractions that, if allowed to, will ruin everything. He charges his wife with catching these foxes. He needs her to always be on guard for the little things that can destroy everything.
In Song of Songs 5:9, the wife's friends ask her what's so great about her husband. She, in response, launches into a long description of how amazing, handsome and sexy her husband is. The cool thing about this is that this is not a woman with a really attractive husband speaking. This is God's standard for our marriages! If a friend were to ask "what's so great about your husband?" every wife should be able to answer in a similar way, regardless of what he looks like. He is the one you swore before God to love, honor and obey until death, he is the one you are in covenant with, he is your standard. No one else should look quite as good as he does, because he is the standard by which every other man is judged.
In Song of Songs 8:10, the wife states that she is a wall and her breasts are like towers, which brings contentment to her husband. Wait... what?! Okay, what she means is that she's not easy. She is faithful to him and has no qualms about it. And knowing that he is the only one she'll let down her long hair for brings him contentment. He doesn't have to be jealous or worry because she is solid and faithful.
There are definitely words of wisdom for unmarried women here too. In Song of Songs 8:9, it talks a bit about walls and doors. If you're a wall - solid, faithful, waiting for marriage - like the beloved wife in this book, don't be ashamed of that! Stand firm and proud. Let all the boys know that you're holding out for the real thing and you won't "arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4, among others). Are you a door? Some girls are. I was quite the door myself at one time. Not so strong, looking for love in all the wrong places, jumping in when you should run? Been there, done that. If you are, take precautions. Find someone to be accountable to, allow those who care about you to lovingly protect you (ie "enclose" you "with panels of cedar"). And, for the love of God, don't arouse or awaken love until it so desires!!
Now. Song of Songs is far from being the only thing God has to say on this topic. There are a few other passages I want to address in the New Testament. And just FYI, this is where it got really hard for me. When I prayed "Father, break my heart for what breaks yours," I didn't know it would hurt so much.
Romans 1:24-26 This was written to the church in Rome thousands of years ago, but it is so applicable to our culture! It's all about sex and God is nowhere to be found (by our choice). Created things are worshiped and served. And God "gave them over" to lust, maybe knowing that he wouldn't win their hearts. The second part of v. 26 is where I'd like to bring the focus. Even the women... It's kind of common knowledge that a godless man will easily fall into the lust trap. But women - even godless ones - have a tendency to be a little less open with their bodies, a little more modest. When even the women exchange natural (monogamous, within the context of marriage) relations for unnatural ones, there is a serious problem with your society. I know this little group of verses is often thrown at homosexual people, but that's not necessarily what's going on here (not until the next verse, at least). The "unnatural relations" here could be anything from adultery to promiscuity to pornography... Sound familiar?
2 Timothy 3:6 This is a passage that I'm interpreting a little differently than the norm. So if you think I'm wrong on this, that's fine. Agree to disagree. I have prayed, meditated, studied and sought council on this and I am fully convinced that what I'm about to say is what God said to me about it (even though it's not what He said to the commentators I've read).
Leading up to this verse, Paul gives one of his epic lists of wickedness and says to have nothing to do with those people. Reason being - they will worm their way into homes and gain control over weak willed (or simply "weak" in the ESV, or even "silly" in the KJV) women who are loaded down with sins and swayed by all kinds of evil desires (or "passions" in the ESV). This is a warning to all of us "doors" and former "doors"! Evil can worm it's way in to our homes and devour us. It's not obvious - it worms its way in. We know what's in our past and so does the evil one. He sends all kinds of little foxes in and we must catch them! It might seem like an innocent taste of the "fun" we used to have. Catch it! It might seem like a way to spice things up with our husbands. Catch it! Whatever it is, have nothing to do with it! Stay far, far away!
As hard as it is to admit, we are susceptible to this evil, these foxes. And if we don't wise up and pick up a different Book, they will devour and destroy our vineyards and our souls.
And believe me, I'm not saying these foxes are any kinder to the "walls" among us. They aren't. They devour and destroy without discriminating. But, by the Grace of God, the "walls" aren't "loaded down with sins," so, by the Grace of God, they may be less susceptible.
Either way, I beg you, please catch the foxes! Keep your eyes on the banner in your marriage! Keep your eyes on Jesus in all things! Don't accept whatever culture throws at you, even if it seems pleasant and enjoyable. Test it. If it doesn't pass the test, stay away! No one is saying you can't enjoy yourself. Christ came that we can have abundant life... rejoice in that!! And know that, no matter how cute they are, the foxes don't offer life at all.
“Sexual expression within a marriage is
not an option or an extra. It is certainly not, as it has sometimes
been considered, a necessary evil in which spiritual Christians engage
only to procreate children. It is far more than a physical act. God
created it to be the expression and experience of love on the deepest
human level and to be a beautiful and powerful bond between husband and
wife.” ~John MacArthur
