So, I have been doing this "homeward" thing for about 7 months now. And believe me, it has taken me every bit of that time to get even remotely on track here. Despite what anyone may think, being a housewife and a stay at home mom is really difficult. It's difficult to devote all your energy to your house and family, when what you really want is to drive somewhere for 5 minutes without listening to your kids argue in the back seat. It's difficult to stay on task when there are so many things, both good and bad, pulling you in so many different directions. And lately, I've found that it is especially difficult to do all this on your own.
No, I'm not saying my husband doesn't help me. He helps immensely just by providing for us. Not only that, but he's wonderful with the kids, even when he's tired after working all day. I landed a good one, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I'm not even saying my kids don't help. They try to keep their rooms clean, and try to help me pick up when I ask them too. Even Maggie is able to throw trash in the trash can, or take her toys to her room.
What I'm lamenting here is the lack of community. In my scripture, Titus 2:3-5, it talks about being homeward in orientation, and that's what I've been working toward. But it also talks about women helping one another to stay on task, encouraging and setting examples for one another. This is something our society sorely lacks. And the worst part about it, is that I think it causes us to get even further off task. We all crave community. We are designed by God to be in community with one another. And this break-down of real, physical community has caused us to search for it elsewhere. The closest thing I have found to community with other women, is with people who live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from me. I love those women and what we have going on our online message board is not a bad thing by any means. But it's not really real, if you know what I mean.
At the beginning of June, Logan and I went to pick strawberries. (Which inspired me to write a short story also. But more on that in a later blog.) It was such an awesome Titus 2 experience. My grandmother kept Maggie while Logan and I picked strawberries for us and for my grandmother. When we were done, we all went shopping together to get everything we'd need to make our jam, and she taught me how to do it. It was just a little taste of that biblical unity, and it was so refreshing. We worked together to get a job done. The older woman caring for the baby while the younger woman and older child did the "labor" part of the work. She then trained me in how to accomplish something that I'd never done, but that she's been doing for decades. It worked beautifully and I think we both felt a little God breeze from the way we worked together that day; at least, I know I did.
That is in stark contrast to the way I've been feeling this week. Peas are the current crop of the week. I still haven't perfected that magical touch that tells you exactly when to pick peas, so many of mine are huge and bitter from hanging on the vine too long. That magical touch could probably be taught, but I don't have someone to teach it to me. It's been 3 years of trial and error. (The first year, we picked too early. Last year, we waited so long that most of the peas rotted on the vine. This year, we picked a little too late. Le sigh...) So all the peas finally got picked yesterday. The majority of my day today was spent shelling them, so that they can be canned this weekend. Just in case you don't know, shelling peas is a very dull job with a very small pay-out. It cramps your hands and your bowl of empty shells gets full WAY faster than your bowl of little, green peas does. So, as I was sitting, by myself, shelling peas, it occurred to me that this is not a job God intended for us to do alone. I daydreamed away while I shelled peas, imagining myself sitting on a front porch with several women. Our children would be running around in the yard, stopping by every once in a while to steal a few fresh, sweet peas to munch on, and we would be gabbing and laughing while we shelled together. The job would be the same, and it would take the same amount of time, but how much more fun it would be!
God designed us women to live and work along side other women. (And, as a side note, I'm sure that men are the same. My husband has a wonderful connection with the guys he works with, both at his job and at church. So much so that I'm jealous, and wondering why we women don't or won't make it happen.) At any rate, that's why we even travel to the bathroom together at restaurants! We crave that time of sitting on the porch shelling peas or snapping green beans together, and we don't know how to get it back. Most of us never even had it to begin with! I've had a few tastes of it, like that day with my grandmother, and a few special times spent with a local friend hanging out and cooking a meal together while our children play and torment one another. Those tastes only make me long for more of it on a more regular basis!
And so it is that Facebook and message boards steal much of my time, even now when I am trying so hard to focus on being homeward. I'm not trying to make excuses for wasting time on the internet, but it would make it a lot easier to forget about (or at least spend significantly less time on) those "false" communities if I had a real one to rely on. I've also spent time going to local mom groups and play dates. These, too, feel forced and false. I leave wondering why I went in the first place when there was so much work to be done at home. I think true fellowship happens when you live and work alongside someone. You can't force it by just meeting together with some silly agenda. You can't satisfy your needs by "meeting" online with people you've never physically met. (Not to say that those bonds aren't strong! I love many of my online friends like I love my family, and I'm so happy to have had the chance to get to know them. But they still can't replace a physical hug, or a buddy to chat with while shelling peas.) There are many ways that women in our society try to fill this void. And I'm sure that any of those women would admit in their heart of hearts that nothing really fills it to their satisfaction.
I can't say that there's any easy solution for this. Our society has crumbled community to the point that no one even knows how to really do it anymore. But I, for one, am praying for a way to one day get it together with the women in my church, the women around me. And I suppose, if nothing else, it won't be too terribly long before my daughters (yes, that's plural now!!) are big enough to shell those ridiculous peas with me, and I'll be the older woman training them in how to be homeward. Lord, help us! :)
